I want to thank all of you regarding reading my last post and giving me your thoughts and ideas on how to deal with curious people. I think I have a few ideas now on how to handle personal questions without being too revealing but also without being too mean as well. I think I will really use the response of "Why do you ask?" It kind of turns things around without being nasty and makes the person asking the question reveal something about him or herself as well.
I will say I remained very nice to the man at the Subway after his question. He has no idea that I felt awkward about the conversation whatsoever. As the conversation went on, I knew he was just curious and not malicious in any way. He was just so forward and it surprised me a little.
I guess my defenses are up a bit because I don't want Briana to feel uncomfortable when people ask us personal questions about our relationship. As she gets older, I'm just going to gauge how much she wants to share. And I will also to my best to figure out the motivation behind the questions before I start to answer them.
Thanks again so much for the advice! I can't tell you how much I appreciate it!!!
And remember, the contest is still going on! Please take a quick peek at Tracey's website and come back here to give us a little feedback. Thanks!!!
7 Kind Words:
I think that your planned strategy to deal with these questions is a good one. You are right to let how Briana feels drive the way you navigate these types of situations. I cannot speak from the experience of an adoptive parent but I grew up in an adoptive family and I, as you know, have adopted my precious snowbabies.
I was initially in the China program, but decided to change my adoption plan because of the growing wait amongst other things. But, because I thought that I was going to have a China girl of my own, and have friends who have adopted from China, I feel a connection to families who have adopted from China. Because I have educated myself, I would never be pushy or ask intrusive questions when meeting an adoptive family. However, I can tell you that I'd love to strike up a conversation with a family who lives in my neighborhood and talk about their adoption experiences. They are a caucasian couple with two young asian american girls. I don't even know how to approach them, in fear of being intrusive!
So, trying to gage why they are asking is good. You could perhaps even ask,"Are you asking because you have a connection to adoption?"
I am just thinking out loud here! Thanks for sharing your experience! You never know, maybe it will help others to be more aware!
Have a wonderful weekend with beautiful Briana!
~Lacie
I think you did the best you could. Some people just don't realise they are being too blunt, too curious, and that their questions are simply not appropriate. It is perfect that you plan a strategy for the more than likely numerous future occasions this will happen again.
I think you did a fine job.... a person can only do what they think is best at the time..
love these two post.
Hugs..
Thanks for some thinking stuff..
Have a great weekend..
Hugs..
I think you handled yourself beautifully. Did you ask Bri her thoughts about the man's questions afterwards?
Both our children were adopted - our son looks just.like.me (its uncanny) and our baby girl has my husband's coloring. I get all these comments on how much our children look like us, and how much they resemble each other (impossible since they are not biologically related). Most times I just smile and nod, I don't think the checkout line at Cost.co is the place to share our family history with a complete stranger. But, there are other times, when I do share openly that our family was created through adoption...
Thanks for putting that out there, it was very informative to read others' responces.
I think you handled it the best way you could at the time. I live in a small community where everyone knows everyone and everyones buisness...makes it a little challenging to say the least.
Thanks for posting!
I just read part one and part two.....I think you did a great job. I probably would have handled it in exactly the same manner that you did. It is hard to tell the motive behind people that ask...... I am happy you posted this, because it won't be long before I will need to know how to handle situations like these myself:) Right now I have people/strangers that will tell me that Sarah looks like me and I always giggle and think....if they only knew!!!
Hope you have a great weekend~
Lisa
I just read Parts One and Two tonight. And I think, in those situations, we do the best we can with the information we have at the time. Which means I think you did fine.
For myself, I know that how I deal with this type of situation has changed as the Tongginator has aged. What was okay when she was three is not okay now that she is six. She definitely is my guide. The good news is that people approach us less now that she is older. We used to be approached all! the! time! when she was three and under.
Regardless, both now and then, my two favorites are saying "why do you ask?" in a friendly manner or - if I think the person needs a good lesson on manners - I say "that's a very personal question. I'm surprised you felt comfortable asking it."
(Yeah. I'm nothing if not snarky when the situation calls for it.)
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