It happened today. My first personal experience with Racism and Briana.
I went to Mc.Donald's today with Briana with plans to meet Angela, Laney and Laney's cousin Hallie (who is also two years old). I have never taken Briana to a Mc.Donald's before and I wasn't sure what Briana would think of the play area. Unfortunately Angela had to cancel our play date, but since Bri and I were running errands anyway, we decided to eat at Mc.Donald's since it was right there.
I was sitting at one of the tables in the play area (which is a room separate from the rest of the restaurant) and Bri was finishing her food as two boys (about 8 or 9 years old) and two little girls (maybe 4 years old or so - they might have been brothers and sisters, not sure) entered the room and immediately started climbing the playground part. Their parents were not with them. There was another family eating in eating the play area room as well. The playground part (with slides and such) looked too big for Bri, but I thought I would let her try to go up there since she was begging. She started up and almost got to the top. The two boys from the top of the contraption started yelling at the top of their lungs, "EWWW, A CHINESE GIRL - LET'S GO, LET'S GET AWAY!" or something to that effect. They repeated it over and over again and started running away from her. Bri started to cry. I believe it was the harsh tone of their voices that made her cry, not really the mean statement they were saying. She seemed scared more than anything. I had to go up and go after her. I didn't even know how to climb the dang contraption myself. As I started to climb, the boys saw me coming. I stopped and looked at them and said sternly, "That's not a very nice thing to say." They then looked at each other and one of the boys said "Uh oh." It was probably only because I yelled at them. One of the little girls offered to help me get Bri down but I managed to get her myself. I climbed down with Briana and left. I have no idea where their parents were and Bri was upset at the time so I couldn't go looking for them. She calmed down as soon as we started to leave the restaurant.
I called Doug when I got in the car and started to cry. I cried all the way home. I still feel like crying. I have been preparing myself for this to happen one day, but I am not sure if anyone is ever ready for it. And I really wasn't prepared for two 8 year olds to pick on a two year old. To be honest, I'm not sure I handled the situation right. I wish I had done more. I wish I had said more too, but I think I was shocked. I can say that I am proud of myself that I at least said something.
My heart breaks to think that Briana will be dealing with this in her life. I want her to try to have a thick skin, to be able to stick up for herself and be proud of who she is when this does arise again. I want to protect my baby forever and I know that I won't always be able to do that.
37 Kind Words:
What a terrible thing to happen to you and Bri... so sorry. I can't imagine how EK would handle that- me either for that matter- I think you did very well handling the situation. Truth be told, even if you had been able to speak with the parent, you wonder if they would have even gotten it- the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. It certainly would have made you feel better to have a word with them I am sure! It would help me!!! I hope you don't have to deal with that again and so sorry it made your day sad. Bri is a doll and did well protecting her today!!!
Blessings to you and Bri!
Shay
Sorry you had to go through that today..
They are just mean kids.. and there are lots of them out there..
HUGS..
Soooo Sorry..
Have a great weekend..
I think you did the right thing. Your child was upset and the best thing was to attend to her needs. I'm sorry that this happened.
I'm so sorry such a horrible thing happened to you both. Good for you for saying something to those boys and not letting them think they can go unchallenged. You did the right thing in going to Briana first when she was upset. Don't feel guilty over how you handled it - I think you did a brilliant job.
I had exactly the same reaction after something happened to us last year; shock, disbelief, grief, anger - you name it, I felt it. As well as feeling inadequate for not reacting at the time in the way I would wish (like you, I think I was too shocked).
I know there is no magic wand to protect our children and they will meet all sorts of unpleasantness in the future. One can only hope they have the opportunity to see there are more good people in the world than bad.
I am so sorry that you and Briana had to experience such harsh words. It is a shame when little kids (or adults) seem to pick on someone that is different than them.
My nephew that has a form of Autism had a little boy pick on him at school about a week ago and upset him so bad he came home from school early.
It is my prayer as a new parent to teach our son not to judge people b/c of their differences.
Sorry again...
Jen
What a horrible, horrible experience. I am so sorry that you and Briana had to endure that today. Hugs to you both.
Briana is very blessed to have such a tender and compassionate mommy! You did a great job focusing on her needs
Terrye in FL
Oh man, that sucks. It sounds like you did the right thing and under the circumstances, were able to say something. I don't know what I would do but I am not looking forward to dealing with it. Sorry you both were so upset.
So sorry that happened to Bri, there are so many jerks out there. You did very well handling the situation.
Those kids had to learn that from somewhere. It is maddening and sad. I am sorry you both had to experience this.
Keep smilin!
It just makes me mad!!! So sorry you guys experienced it. You did the right thing by getting her out of there because she was upset.
Oh, my heart just sank when I read this. So sorry that you and Briana experienced such a comment.
Oh dear. I would cry too. I think my other kids would yell at the other kids....:-) It really sucks that people will judge our precious children based purely on how they look. And we all know how beautiful and special they truly are. Know that you are not alone, my friend, and that there are more people with open arms than jeers. At least, that's my belief. Don't let the jerks bring you down. **HUGS TO YOU!!!!!*** (and Bri, of course.)
I am so very sorry you and Briana had to experience that. Thankfully /Hopefully, Briana didn't understand their words and only understood the tone. THAT was enough!
I often wonder what the world is coming to sometimes. :0(
This is so terrible....I just want to reach out and give you a giant hug. The pain of what they said along with the emotion it caused in Briana had to be unbearable...and to be by yourself when it happened....ugh. I think you handled it very well and there is nothing more you could have done. One would hope that you won't ever be put in this situation again.
I hope you get some r and r this weekend or do something fun with Doug and Bri to get your mind off things:)
Luv Ya Girl,
Lisa
((hugs) friend. It hurts us so much to think of our children having to go through this. What do people feel they have to right to speak to others like that? Hopefully you caused those boys to think about what they say in the future.
Hannah isn't even here yet and my brother's new step-son (8) said to me, 'I hate Chinese people.' It made my blood BOIL and I almost took him out! Heh...not very adult of me. Thankfully my brother handled it becauase I was too upset and I couldn't contain my disappointment as he's well away of my adoption. It opened an opportunity for us to talk but I sure did need a cooling off period first and he sat in time-out for a good long time until we could talk.
Sorry this happened to you friend.
Lisa, I haven't been there yet but I am sure it will happen soon enough. But I am glad u said something! Not sure if I would have been as calm about it myself! Sorry you and Bri had to endure this.
My oldest daughter, Darcy's, first contact with racism also occurred in the tunnels of a McDonald's play area. She was about four years old at the time...maybe five? Two older girls cornered her and began pulling at their eyes and reciting a derogatory rhyme about Chinese. My daughter didn't tell me. I found out two weeks later when I gently began prying, trying to discern why she suddenly did not want to be in front of groups of people (since she had always LOVED performing on stage--whether dancing in recitals or singing with her daddy's bluegrass band). She had NEVER had a moment's of stage fright and had always gloried in being in the spotlight...then, overnight, she changed. Out of the blue, she announced she was not going to participate in the dance recital she had been eagerly looking forward to for weeks. Knowing she was not prone to stage fright, I was baffled. Only after gently prying did the truth spill out. She didn't want to get up on stage in front of people ever again because she was afraid they would laugh at her. I said, "Honey, why would they laugh at you?" She said, "Because they might see I am Chinese...then they will laugh at me." And, slowly, as her quiet tears slid down her cheeks, she began telling me about what the older girls and done and said when they had trapped her in the tunnels and mocked her and laughed at her. What broke my heart even more is that what she was telling me about had happened TWO WEEKS EARLIER. At the time that it had happened, she had covered her feelings and had not told me or her father anything about it. We had been sitting at a table right there by the tunnels and we hadn't known and she hadn't told us. What she had done was internalized what those children were projecting onto her...internalized that shame and had begun to let it cripple her spirit.
It is hard facing racism with your child and teaching them how to handle that hurt. It makes it harder when we are not Chinese, ourselves. When bio kids are mocked and shunned because of their race, at least they can look at the parents they love and take comfort that they match those good people...our kids don't match us...and I think that makes it even harder for them when faced with the cruelty of racism.
Darcy is 13 now. She passed over that road-bump without letting it permanently derail her love of performing. After talking it through and praying over it, she went to that dance recital, so long ago, and danced in the abandon of sheer joy. She went on to sing and play with her daddy's bluegrass band in front of huge crowds. She chose not to let others have power over her...not to let others clip her wings.
Grrrrrrr. I too think you handled it well. You didn't let them off scott free, but your concern was where it needed to be most, on Briana.
My little sister from Big Brothers/Big Sisters and I were having dinner at Red Robin here in Bend. She's black. I'm obviously not. A lady across the aisle glared at us our entire meal. When J got up to go use the bathroom, I turned and looked at her and said coldly, "Can I help you?" That woman flinched like no one's business. It broke my heart to realize that uncomfortable feeling I had for one meal is what so many people of different races deal with on a day in/day out basis.
Monica has been a huge role model for me in all of this. I believe that what makes a first incident so difficult is that our illusions shatter. We truly believe that we - as a nation - have come so far. We truly believe that, while it may be "out there," it won't likely happen to our children. We truly believe... but then it happens. And we don't know what to do. I really need to write a book review of those books I recently purchased. I'll do that this week.
you handled it with much more grace than I would have.
and sadly, we can't blame the kids - it is THEIR PARENTS that raise them this way. Children aren't born racist - they TAUGHT how to be that way.
I am soooo sorry you had to deal with this.
I am sooooo sorry sweet Briana had to experience being yelled at by mean kids.
I would have wanted to kick their and their parents asses. But that's just me.....
I am very proud of you and Briana, Lisa! You handled the situation very well! I remember the first day my high school opened (it was new at the time), I went up to a man and asked him, "Excuse me, sir, can you tell me where this room is?" He took one look at me and said, "Okay, do you speak English?" I said, "No, but I'd still like to know where it is!" IDIOT!! And when I worked at Doctors' Hospital, our office had an elderly volunteer named Seymour...Our first encounter: I sat in the back and he walked over, nastily yelling, "Who's Jennifer?" I said, "I am." He took one look at me and said, "You don't speak English, do you?" And before I could say, "No, but I'm speaking to you IN English!", he walked off in a huff! The next time he came again, he asked me, "Are you Jennifer?" And I said harshly, "Yes!" He said, "Oh, I didn't know you spoke English!" I said, "Well, I didn't know you still spoke!" =) (I didn't say that, of course-- but I was thinking that!)
Ouch. Sorry to hear of this experience. I'm glad you were there though, because many times, it happens when the parents aren't there. I'm sure you have enough experience with prejudice being Jewish, though. And truth be told, the insensitive words aren't just said by kids. Let me tell you a story about a lunch I went to with coworkers about a month ago.
Chinese guy takes a bite out of his pulled pork sandwich and says, "Pork is God's food." I said, "What?! I'm not to sure about that. I don't even like pork." And he says to me, "What are you a Jew? All Chinese people like pork." I cringed, knowing that the 2 Jewish coworkers sitting across the table from me were instantly bristling. So my coworker leans over to the Chinese guy and says, "Pass the ketchup, says the Jew."
Open mouth and insert foot!
Oh Lisa - I'm so sorry. I'm proud of you for saying something to those stupid boys! Briana will grow up to be strong just like her mom and pop. Hope to see you soon.
Love,
Amy
I can not believe how cruel children are today. I wonder if they were as hurtful to others in my childhood as they are today. You did the right thing. I am praying that my two granddaughters who are adopted from China haven't run into the same thing. God bless you as you raise your precious daughter to think of the feelings of other.
Oh Lisa, I'm sorry this happened. Good for you for standing up for Bri, hugs to you all.
I am MAD right along with you!! It just breaks my heart that people can be so cruel and to think that they are just kids and are already that cruel!! Yes, a stern statement to the parents would have been great because more than likely that is where they learned that type of behavior. However, I am like you, I probably would have been too shocked to do anything at the time.
So sorry!!! :o(
oh wow... this is a tough one. Not sure how I would react to that. You did a great job in saying what you did to the boys. BAD BAD boys!!!
Just another story. You know where I first heard the "me Chinese...(with pulled back eyes)" taunt? From my older sister who 'learned' the 'funny' joke at school from some other (non-Chinese) kids. She (and my cousins and I) thought that it was funny, too - not knowing that it was 'funny' at the expense of our relative, culture, and ancestry. I think it took a couple weeks of us doing it for each other before my sister finally did it in front of an adult. Who then told us why not to do it, and that it's actually hurtful.
Again, sorry you had to experience it with Briana, but you're right, it's something we'll all go through and time and time again, so might as well get as prepared as we can (cuz we'll still be blind-sided by racially-insensitive comments as adults in the workplace, family-events, and in the general public, too)
That sucks and I'm so sorry you and Bri had to experience it. I wish I could tell you that it wouldn't happen again but sadly that is unlikely. I'm HORRIBLE in any situation that involves even the most remote possibility of a racist intent, so sorry I don't have any advice for you. I dread the day when Moe hears the "n" word and may possibly need an attorney to represent me for assualt charges. Hugs to you.
I totally would have bawled, too. And I know I will when it happens to us. And I don't know how I will control my anger, but I also know I will have to remember that Charlotte will be watching how I react. Ick. I am so sorry that you had to deal with this already. :( I think you handled it well, too.
And I have climbed up into one of those McD's things to get Charlotte when she would not come down. NOT EASY. So kudos to you for that, too.
oh wow, that's horrible. What's worse, is that racism isn't something kids just KNOW. It's learned. So sadly either the parents are displaying the same behavior, or aren't correcting it if they see it.
I think you did a perfect job in the middle of the situation. You were there to take care of Bri first and foremost, and all they needed to hear was that it wasn't nice. Hopefully between hearing what you said and seeing that they made a baby cry with their actions and words they won't be doing that again.
I know you will do wonderfully teaching Briana that she is perfect as she is. ((((hugs to you both)))
Not real sure if you can really prepare yourself for crappy comments. I think you handled it exactly how I would have.
That is so upsetting. We just have to try to give our children the tools to deal with prejudice and bullying like that.
So terribly sad...
OK - this makes me sick to my stomach!! I am so very sorry that you both went thru that. Pugmama is right in that it is the parents (where the hell were they??) and not the children, but I probably would have screamed at the kids... (so not cool of me). Oh the thought of someone making my girl feel sad...GAWD!!! You handled it great.
Dear Lisa,
You handled the situation very well. Briana is being raised to be an open-minded, loving, self-confident person. Those two brats are going to stay trapped in their prejudices, aggression and stupidity. Who do you think is going to have the happier, better life?
Love,
Cheryl
PS: The fact that the parents were nowhere in sight should tell you something about how those two are being raised!
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