When Doug, Briana and I were heading to Florida for the cruise, we used a Park N Fly service to get us to the airport. We took a little shuttle from the PNF to the Delta terminal. Two men were on the shuttle having a conversation (they were not together).
One man looked over at the three of us and asked if Briana was from China. I said yes and before I had a chance to say anything else, he jumped in saying he was married to a Korean woman. I just kind of smiled and acknowledged what he had said.
The shuttle pulled up to the terminal. We jumped off the bus and went our separate ways. I didn't really give the conversation too much thought because to be honest, I was a bit hurried and just ready to get through security to get to the gate.
We walked into the airport and started heading toward the security line. The man that asked about Briana was walking in front of us again. He turned around as we walked and he said to us "That is a wonderful thing you did." I knew exactly what he meant. I said to him, "Well, she is really OUR blessing." At that point, we did go our separate ways.
I know he meant well. He was trying to be kind.
But ~
I don't want Briana to ever think we adopted her because we wanted to do a "wonderful thing." That was never our intention. I don't really like Briana having to hear someone say something like that.
My act of adopting Briana was purely selfish on my part. I wanted my own child to love and raise. I didn't look to save anyone. I never wanted to be patted on the back. And I am most certainly not a hero.
When Doug and I went into the adoption process, my main objective was to be a mom. Yes, Briana gained a new family in the process - which is wonderful. But, I honestly never went into the process thinking what a "great thing" I was doing. I believe the main objective of adoption should be creating and growing families - not trying to save anyone or do a "good thing."
I know Briana has a very nice life and she is a super happy kid. Doug, Briana and I love each other with every fiber of our beings. But any joy that Doug and I have ever brought into Briana's life, believe me, she has returned it twofold.
Briana is my entire world. I try to let her know that every day.
So if anything, she is really the one that did the "wonderful thing."
4 Kind Words:
I so agree, Lisa! It makes me very uncomfortable when people say things like that. In particular, when the kids are RIGHT there! I never want them to feel like they "owe" us something or that they are worth less or....whatever. My motives were that I wanted more kids! Yes, I am happy that they have a good, safe, life, but I cringe at the words "rescue" and "saved".
I think that when you adopt,you save and YOU ARE SAVED..This thing works both ways!We do this to not be alone anymore,and yes,it's selfish,but it's also a good selfish thing.In this process,everyone wins.
It makes me uncomfortable too. I know people generally mean well with that kind of comment; but I don't ever want my girls to think that they need to be grateful to me!
I also feel the same way. I've heard several times that my boy is "lucky" to have us as parents and I cringe and let them know that WE are the lucky ones.
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