My Fear and Reluctance

I have been very reluctant to buy anything for Briana until Doug's and my dossier made it through the review room. I also have had a really hard time accepting baby and baby-related gifts from my friends and family since deciding to adopt from China. I really envy those women who know whole-heartedly and without a doubt that their China babies will be coming home soon.

I had a miscarriage in 2002, and after that I had 4 failed IUI attempts and 1 failed IVF attempt. I know adoption is the answered prayer for Doug and me to start our family, but after so many heartbreaks, allowing myself to believe that nothing will go wrong with this adoption has been really tough for me. I am afraid to start feeling excited and happy just to have the bottom drop out from under me. I hate that I brace myself for disappointment. Unfortunately, the extending China wait times and the constant rumors of China rejecting dossiers have not helped matters.

Over the last several weeks knowing that November dossiers were almost through review, I started feeling slightly more confident. I have taken baby steps (and still am taking baby steps) in allowing myself to believe that this adoption process will have a very happy ending. Going to my first consignment sale was a very big step for me, and I want to thank Kathy for showing me how fun it can be! Even starting this blog was a big move forward.

Since I started this blog halfway into my process instead of at the beginning like a lot of waiting parents, I may go back in time every once in a while and talk about adoption related stuff that happened before I started this blog. So make sure you keep checking in!