This particular little girl (I'll just call her "A") was in Briana's class last year. She came into the class mid-session and ended up sitting next to Bri. Unfortunately, she had (and still has) a bit of a behavior problem. She would try to take Bri's food during lunch and she got in trouble a quite a bit according to Bri's teacher. Now fast forward to this year. The good news is that this little girl is in a different class, but all the pre-k classes play on the playground at the same time. Bri has gotten in a car a few times this year and when she is telling me about her day, she will mention that she doesn't want to play with A on the playground, she only wants to play with her friends M and K. I started to notice recently that when I pick up Briana from school, A will be sitting in the hallway and will call out to Briana to say goodbye and Briana will ignore her. I thought at first Bri was just excited to see me and maybe didn't hear her, but now I am pretty sure she is just ignoring her. I told Briana that even if she isn't thrilled with A, she still needs to be friendly to her.
We took a field trip the firehouse today. A was roaming all around, not staying with her class and not paying attention to what was going on. She kept getting in Bri's face, trying to talk to her and saying her name. Bri kept looking at me with a frown and then she would try to scoot away from A.
Ugh. I don't know if I am telling Briana to do the right thing. Bri and I had a long talk again this afternoon about needing to be friendly to A because I know she doesn't want to hurt A's feelings. But I did tell Bri that she doesn't have to play with her either. I asked Bri why she doesn't like A. She said because she is always calling her name and she remembers the things she did last year in school. I don't want to force Briana to play with this little girl (A does have a bit of a behavior problem). I know if I don't enjoy someone's company, I have a choice not to hang out with them.
As Bri and I were talking today, she mentioned in passing another little girl named G. She says that G doesn't talk to her that much and sometimes gets mad at Bri when Bri tries to hold her hand. Bri said it makes her sad. It was a good learning experience because I said "Well, now you know how A might feel when you do the same thing to her." Then I told her that if G doesn't want to hold her hand, then she needs to find another friend's hand to hold.
I have to admit, I got a lump in my throat thinking that there might be an actual human being on this earth that doesn't think my daughter walks on water. :D
Wow - this parenting thing is really hard. I want to protect Briana all the time (which I know I can't always do) and I want to give her the correct guidance. As she gets older, she will encounter more and more of this whole social dynamic thing. I want to guide her correctly, but I don't always know what to say. In a perfect world, everyone would love everyone else. But we all know, we are not in a perfect world.
Something makes me think that as she gets older, it is just going to get more difficult. Anyone know where I can get a prescription for Xanax?
11 Kind Words:
Just been having exactly the same thing going on with Hannah although, as you know, in her case it is drifting away from a friend who still wants her. You're right - it is painfully hard.
I don't have any answers - I think I am pretty much taking the same tack you are, but I sure do wish I had a magic wand!
It *is* tough when your kid doesn't like someone, or when your kid isn't liked by someone else. But like you said, it's a learning experience for her.
I think you're doing fine, it's really difficult to define "social norms" to children this age (ahem, and even older ones lol)
It's so hard. Geez, I came "this" close to breaking down when Miles told Eyasu he was his best friend and then asked Eyasu if he was his best friend, too. Eyasu told him no. The sadness in Miles's eyes was too much.
I don't think I can take this part of the parenting gig. Sign me up for some Xanax, too.
Wow, thank you so much for sharing this. I have also been through something similar, and yes... it is difficult to see that there are other people who just don't like my little kiddo. I am always afraid that some kids are jumping to not liking her because she is from China and looks different. I know that with DD #2 and her missing fingers that she will likely have to deal with this (of course I hope not).
But, I am happy to hear that you are trying to work on this with her. When people don't like us it can be very hurtful.
{{{Hugs}}} to you both.
I need a lifetime prescription, I think. Lots of children don't like the Tongginator - she's got a really big personality, plus she's bossy. (She's also amazing and I love her, but I need to keep it real.)
I think you are doing the right thing. Being nice, without being "best" friends, is the way to go. And using this other situation as an example of how it feels is wise parenting. I think ages 4.5 through 7 are SO tough because all of the children are navigating this whole concept.
You have it all under control, I remember it's hard, but you are doing a great job with Briana.
You are doing a wonderful job with Briana, so keep doing what your doing. Children these days are very tough and it's sad, I see it all the time in our school. I'm guessing 50% of the parents just don't care how rude their children are to other children.
Thank God Sam hasn't had to deal with anything like that yet, maybe come Middle school but I sure hope not.
it was good that you had an object lesson with regard to Bri's friend G. Maybe she will have a change of heart or at least develop empathy for A. I agree not to ever force friendship but do be nice.
I think you handled this very well, its a tough subject and I think we, as parents, have the responsibility to our kids to teach them that they don't have to like everyone (and everyone doesn't have to like them!) but that everyone deserves to be treated with respect (and they should expect the same in return!).
It breaks my heart when I hear my son say that so-and-so didn't want to play with him at school... and I pray that he always keeps his sunny outlook on life and is always able to shrug his shoulders and find someone else to play with.
This is a really important lesson and you are doing just fine explaining it.
When you are done, please come to my work place and explain the same thing to the "mature adults" who work there.
We don't need to be BFFs to get the job done. Cordial, Professional, and Responsive are enough. Why everyone thinks that we have to be BFFs is crazy!
Drama.
Good job with Bri. And for the record, we think she's the bees knees at our house!
Right on Mom. Your advice was great and the fortunous reverse situation was perfectly timed.
And your also right that this parenting thing is really tough. Similar situations have arisen for Dahlia since Kindergarten and though I think she is slightly more skilled to handle them now - it's still murky waters we navigate through.
Thanks for posting this.
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