An Update (Still Struggling A Bit)

Hope all my American friends had a Happy Thanksgiving on Thursday. We had a nice Thanksgiving - my parents and sister and family came over per our tradition. I always love hosting my family at Thanksgiving.

We took the above picture on Thanksgiving Day. I am smiling in this picture, but I am going to be honest - I'm struggling underneath that smile. I had to take a few deep breaths on Thanksgiving Day. Thus the reason I have been on a blog hiatus again. I just can't seem to get my mind and heart into it. Into much of anything lately.

My sinus infection is gone, but I am still having some issues with my taste and smell. I prayed that when my infection dissipated, I would just go back to normal. I haven't unfortunately. Physically or mentally. I think some the nerve endings in my nose got compromised and so sometimes I still experience moments of diminished taste and smell (like my nose gets stunned). It's scary. I am praying that with time, I will go back to normal. Of course, that is where my anxiety starts rearing its ugly head.

Will I be normal again? Is this my new normal? Could I somehow possibly get worse or go backward (which is what scares me the most)? All those "what ifs" run through my head. And then I find myself feeling frozen. Like I can't focus on anything. There isn't a crystal ball that can tell me what my future holds. I do plan to see another ENT for a second opinion, but even when I do, I don't think he can really tell me if I will completely heal. Nerves are a funny thing. Only time will tell.

I am taking things one day at a time. Anxiety is something that isn't rational - so you cannot rationalize it. I am understanding that now and trying to give myself a break. I think the holidays coming up and all that comes along with it is making my anxiety even higher. I put a lot of expectations on myself anyway (in a normal state of mind) - throw in stress and anxiety - that is a perfect storm brewing.

So I will blog again when I can. I love my blog too much to leave it for good.

I have a lot on my plate for the month of December. So please say a prayer for me that I can get through it all. Pray that my olfactory nerve endings heal completely and my anxiety eventually dissipates. I am very blessed to have friends and family that have been checking in with me to see how I am doing. And I am blessed that they are patient with me (especially my husband) and don't judge me about what I am going through.

I know there is a light at the end of this tunnel. There has to be. I need to "just keep swimming."