A Lack Of Appreciation

Briana is a really good girl. I really mean it - she has a good heart and definitely knows the difference between right and wrong. She is one of the most loving kids I know. She's really a great kid.

But, I noticed over the last several weeks (maybe even months) that there has been a bit of a lack of appreciation on her part.

I don't even think she realized she wasn't appreciating things. Heck, I don't even know how long it took me to realize that she wasn't.

In today's world, there is just so much of everything. So much excess. Over the top birthday parties, too many presents, too many rewards. Keeping busy, busy, busy. Nowadays, it seems like kids just "expect" things. And I believe that is what I started seeing happening to Bri.

I don't need big pats on the back for the things I do day in and out for Briana. I am her mom and being mom is my job. It is what I signed up for and she isn't indebted to me in any way. But, it's nice to hear a thank you every once in a while. And I had stopped hearing it.

I started realizing that Briana was really only saying thank you to me, her dad and others when prompted. That's not ok with me.

I take some of the blame for this. With Briana being an only, she gets a lot of attention from me and her dad. And I am the queen of overcompensation. I do feel a sense of guilt that I have this super extroverted kid that doesn't have any siblings. So I keep her life super busy ~ trying to keep her from feeling any kind of absence.

And with Briana being adopted, I always want to make her life feel as full and happy as possible. She experienced a great loss and I try to keep her from feeling it so much by showering her with love, affection and attention. And she is one of the great loves of my life ~ which I want her to know every day.

With all of that said, I think Miss B has been becoming a bit desensitized to all that she has been receiving, such as extravagant birthday parties, fancy gifts, summer camps, super fun vacations, lots of help with school projects and such.

The straw that broke the camel's back was Sunday afternoon. That is when our overnight guest left our house. I had actually mentioned to Doug on Saturday that I was feeling like Briana wasn't appreciating all the things that she had been receiving over the last few months. So when our guest left, I had hoped Briana would have thanked me for hosting her guest.

But that didn't happen.

The first words out of her mouth to me were "Where's my iPad?"

Oh. Good. Lord. I was really angry. I knew my feeling about this was right.

I kind of snapped. Not in a screaming in her face snapped, but a "she better get her act together" snapped. I firmly told her she wouldn't be getting her iPad and that she needed to shape up. I went up to my room at that point and left her standing there. I needed some space and I needed to get my head together.

Doug heard what happened and had a talk with her.

Then she came to me and I had a long talk with her.

After listening to everything we said, I think it sank in. I think she realized her dad and I were right. I explained that there are so many kids in this world that don't have the means, experiences and the opportunities that she has in her life. And I told her that her dad and I didn't have to do any of the extra things that we do for her (including soccer coaching) and she could just be sitting at home play all by herself (even though she has a gazillion toys). 

She apologized for her behavior and seemed genuinely moved.

I have to say - she has really been trying this week. She has been thanking me much more for things, even little things (without prompting). She is really trying to show me that she does appreciate the things I do for her (Doug has been out of town all week).

I refuse to raise a spoiled, rotten kid. If she doesn't appreciate the fun and exciting things she gets to do on almost a daily basis, then she won't get to do them anymore. Period.

Everyone needs a reality check once in a while. And this time, it was Briana's turn to have one.