Sticking Up For Myself

I have still tons to blog about regarding Briana's birthday festivities and tons of photos still to sort through. I will be blogging about it very soon.

I just need to stop and say something first.

Some of you reading this post know me in person and some of you just know me from the blog world. Honestly, what you see (or read) is pretty much what you get from me. I really am a caring and sensitive person. I try to be a positive influence for my daughter. I pride myself on making others happy whenever I can.

I don't like to air dirty laundry in public, but someone has finally forced my hand.

There was someone in my life that I struggled to get along with for many, many, many years. Over the years, I came to a realization that it was impossible - but not for lack of trying. This person and I have gone around and around about lots of things over the years. Our normal pattern - fight, make up, fight, make up. And the fighting would only occur because this person would pick at me so much that I would finally explode. Never in my life have I been so blatantly not able to get along with someone. No matter what I ever did or said, I was always in the wrong in this person's eyes (and still am). This person never took (and still doesn't take) responsibility for any of the issues with the relationship (now lack thereof). And let me preface by saying that this person doesn't get along with a lot of people. Believe me, I know this person doesn't get along with a lot of people. This person is narcissistic, hostile, passive aggressive and enjoys a good temper tantrum. This person honestly believes they are some sort of victim - you cannot convince them differently. It is someone that I refuse to blog about now and haven't blogged about in a number of years (and I could be very evil by naming names, but I won't go there). I made a conscious choice to cut them out of my life about two years ago. I don't make those kinds of decisions lightly - in fact, I often let things fester way longer than I should. But I realized several years ago that the separation was very necessary. And since I made that decision, life for me has been so much "healthier", "happier" and "lighter." 

This person reared their ugly head again at me in recent days and it is quite upsetting. (And I will disclose that this person is not in the China adoption community.) Deep down, I know this is 100% them and not me. It is this person's fault for the situation that we are in today (except this person refuses to see it). But once again, this person tried to bully me and tell me that I am the bad person - per usual. All I have ever asked for is to be left alone.

I feel very harassed right now. I swore two years ago that I would never engage with this person ever again, but I felt the need to defend myself after holding my tongue for so long. After years of putting them out of my head (knowing they bad-mouth me), I told this person off, stuck up for myself and let them know that they will never, ever make me feel bad about myself because I know that I am the good person in all of this. I truly believe that this person is in dire need of some serious mental help. And to be honest, it felt pretty good saying my peace. Now that I have said it, I will put them out of my head again and move on.

I don't know if this person even reads my blog anymore. They probably don't. But if they do, I need them to know that I am strong and I will never let them get the best of me. I am a good and caring person and I know that. I am honestly not trying toot my own horn - I just know the truth. 

Don't cross me. Seriously don't. I have a temper when I am crossed. I will defend myself fiercely when I know I am right.