A Melancholy Day

You might remember the rose bush that I planted a few years ago. At the beginning of June, the bush produced these beautiful flowers. I cut them and put them in a vase so I could enjoy them. I've looked at the bush since then and it looks stagnant now. No leaves on it. I am worried it might be dying. If so, I will have to plant another one - which makes me sad.

The bush gave me one last ditch effort to give me some flowers - and they were beautiful.

When I became pregnant the first time, I was given the due date of June 20, 2003. The baby was supposed to be born the day after my birthday. Someone commented to me that it could be tough having to share my birthday with my child, but I didn't care at all. I just wanted to be a mom. The birth date was not an issue. I just wanted a healthy baby.

As you all know, the pregnancy didn't last.

I could have had a ten year old child today. There are times I still think about what it might be like to have a ten year old in my life. I look around at other ten year olds and sometimes wonder.

But if things hadn't happened the way they did, I wouldn't have Briana in my life. I would have had a very different life. Though I still have fleeting moments of sadness, I think things ended up the way they were supposed to. Briana was supposed to be with me and Doug.

Today, I visited my grandmother at her assisted living home. Her health is declining and I was able to spend some time with her. Tell her that I love her. I think it was a very appropriate day for a visit.

I had a wonderful day yesterday and a melancholy day today. I guess that I am just a roller coaster of emotions this week.

I think I need to go to sleep and hopefully wake up to have a happier day tomorrow.