My Struggle With Change

Before I get into my post about Mei Mei, I need to write a little about my attitude going into bringing a new cat into my home.

I'm a creature of habit.

I don't like change.

I like being in my comfort zone and I dislike when I have to step out of it.

I wish I wasn't like that. I wish I loved change and embracing new things. I just don't. 

When I was so desperate for a child and wanted to be a mom so badly, I was willing to push aside my distaste for change. When Bri finally came home and my life was so different, it truly rocked my world. It took me several months to get into my new groove. I loved Briana, but I was not comfortable at first in my new normal - no matter how much I loved her. Believe me, there were several times I said to myself, "I'm not sure I'm cut out for this." or "I wish I had my old life back for just a few minutes." That is just me.

And I was very sad when I lost Asia. My heart was truly broken. I would say for about six months, I truly wasn't ready for a new furry family member. I didn't want to think about it. I wanted MY cat back and I knew that couldn't happen. 

After those six months, I started feeling comfortable with not having a pet in my house at all. No cat hair on everything. No stinky litter box. No tripping over cat toys. No worrying about the cat getting out of the house.

If I didn't have Briana in my life, I probably wouldn't have Mei Mei now. Bri wanted a cat again so badly, and I know she needed one.

And I am sure you are all laughing at me - saying to yourselves but it's "just a cat - not a person." But cats are mischievous creatures - they will go everywhere. They will be in your face and in your personal space. I was spoiled with Asia because she didn't get into stuff. She couldn't care less about my Christmas tree. She never jumped on my counters or climbed anything. She was so easy (except when we drove in a car - ugh.) As she got older, she loved being with us but she loved her alone time too. She was easy and comfortable.

It took me a year to get to the point that I could even say to Bri "let's look for a cat." That how much anxiety I had about it. It is so ridiculous. But that's how I operate.

Picking out a new cat in a 15 minute span because my daughter had tears in her eyes with the mere thought of walking out the door without "May" was WAAAAAY out of my comfort zone. But I did it.

And the second day Mei Mei was with us - I was in tears because she was into EVERYTHING. It felt so weird having this strange cat in my house. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. It was like having a toddler with claws in my house that could climb things. She paced and paced and paced all over - not able to calm herself down. I wasn't sure if it was nervousness or her personality. I was so close to jumping ship - seriously. Like I would have been ok giving her back that day. That's how uncomfortable I was with this new animal in my home. And her jumping onto the top of my kitchen cabinets on day 4, didn't help her case a whole lot. Heh.

 But we are a week and a half into Mei being home with us now, and she has calmed and I have calmed. I'm still getting used to this new normal.

Mei Mei (sounds like May May) is super sweet and loving. I realize now that she is the cat I prayed for to replace Asia. I wanted a cuddle kitty for Bri and that is what we have now. Thank goodness.

I'm still adjusting - but slowly getting there. Mei Mei isn't going anywhere. She's in our lives for good now.

But I still don't like change. :)