In Memory Of Doug's Brother Leo

I have been thinking a lot about Doug's oldest brother Leo lately. First, I had my baby shower on what would have been his 42nd birthday. Then, Memorial Day was this week. And, I also think it is because Doug and I are getting so close to referral day. I wonder what Leo would have thought about his baby brother becoming a father very soon.

Leo was killed in a plane crash in January of 1997 - four days before Doug's 24th birthday and four months before Doug and I were to be married. He lived in Atlanta, but he went on a business trip and took a commuter flight from Cincinnati to Detroit. On the final approach to the airport, there was icing on the wings and the plane crashed in snowy farm community - 26 passengers and 3 flight crew were killed. Leo was only 31 years old.

I remember coming home from work that day and seeing pictures of the crash on the news. I had no idea Leo was even on a business trip. I had been seeing pictures of the wreckage all evening on TV and had no idea what I was actually witnessing. Around 8PM, Doug and I were having our usual evening phone chat when the call waiting beeped. Doug clicked over, and when he came back, he told me he just received the news that Leo was on that plane.

I didn't believe him at first. I was in shock. But it was true. My mind was spinning. I felt like the world just ended. I wondered how Doug was going to survive this. I wondered how I was going to help get him through this. Was I strong enough to get through this? Then all of a sudden - it hit me. Our wedding. The wedding we had been planning for over a year. What were we going to do? I decided to push the wedding out of my mind and focus all my energy on Doug. I just needed to be there for him. The wedding wasn't important. We would figure it all out later.

The days following the crash were brutal. Information just trickled in from the NTSB. It was winter in Michigan and the investigation was very slow going. And I also found out how relentless and heartless the media really was. The endless phone calls from newspapers and television stations and the reporters staking out Doug's family's house. They asked the question, "How do you feel?" What a ridiculous question. Devastated and heartbroken. What the heck do you think? Idiots. I remember I was going to my car one afternoon and a local television reporter ambushed me asking how I knew the family. I lied and said I wasn't family and ran back in the house. It was horrible. Doug's good friend (who ironically went through a similar situation a few years prior) went outside and told her to leave.

Leo's memorial service was extremely sad and the church was packed. He had so many friends and business associates. He was so personable and so well liked. It didn't seem possible that someone so young and full of life was just gone.

A few weeks after the crash, Doug and I discussed the wedding and with his family's blessing, we decided to go ahead and get married on the day we had originally planned. We knew that Leo would not have wanted us to postpone the wedding. So we did get married, and though the wedding was wonderful, there was definitely a very large piece of our lives missing that day.

And here we are 10 years later. Sometimes it feels like it was 10 years ago, and sometimes it feels like yesterday. Leo had been married for 4 years but had no children. A few years after Leo passed, his wife moved away from Atlanta and ended contact with the family. I do know she remarried, and she probably has kids by now.

I always hoped that after Doug and I married that I would get to know Leo better. Leo was 8 years older than Doug and me. Even though Leo was a number of years older than Doug, they had a very close relationship. Unfortunately when Doug and I first started dating, he really didn't take me or the relationship Doug and I had seriously at all. He thought it was just a silly teenage romance, and I was just a young dorky girl who sunk her hooks in to his young naive brother. There was definitely a lot of teasing going on at that time. As the years went by and Doug and I stayed together, I know that view must have changed, but I remained pretty intimidated by Leo. To me, he seemed so much older (which seems so silly now), and he was this traveled, savvy business man. I felt so young and inexperienced, and I know I was really quiet when I was around him. Even when Doug and I got engaged, I wasn't really sure what Leo thought of me. Doug told me that Leo was very happy that we were getting married, but I still wasn't so sure. I know that was my own insecurity. For some reason, I thought when I was officially his sister-in-law that I would finally get that chance to know him better, and I guess prove myself to him. I feel very cheated that I didn't get that chance.

I often wonder what life would be like if Leo was still here. What would my relationship be like with him now? Would he have had kids (we know he wanted them)? What would he think of our adoption? Of Doug becoming a father? Unfortunately, we will never know the answers and that makes me very sad. But there is one thing I did learn. I knew Doug was a strong person, but during that ordeal, I saw how strong and amazing he really was.

Leo was an Auburn alumni and there is a scholarship fund set up in his name. If anyone is interested in contributing, just send me an e-mail and I can give more information.

Leo we miss you...