Briana got into my car this afternoon when I picked her up from school and started talking about her day. She mentioned that while she was playing on the playground at recess that she asked a group of girls if she could play with them and they told her no. One of the girls I believe is a pretty good friend of Briana's at school. I have visited the classroom a number of times and I can tell they usually get along pretty well, so this surprised me.
Bri really didn't seem upset about it. She said she just found someone else and started to play with her instead.
I got an awful pit in my stomach. All of those feelings of rejection that I used to feel back in the day started to creep back. I could literally feel my own insecurities in my throat. I don't want to project my feelings onto Briana because she is her own person, but rejection stings no matter who you are.
I am so glad B didn't seem upset about it today. But there will be a day when she comes home crying and it will rip my heart into a million pieces. I want to protect her all the time and I know I can't always be there.
I'm not sure why anyone wouldn't want to play with my sweet, funny, caring, loving little girl. Those girls had their reasons I guess. I really try to teach Briana to be nice and friendly to everyone. I have told her that if she ever doesn't want to play with someone that it is her choice, but she needs to be kind about it and gently let the person down without just saying "No, go away."
When you raise a kid to be caring and courteous to other people, it is supposed to be a good thing. But when there are kids that aren't raised the same way, my kid will be on the receiving end of their behavior - trying to figure why she is being picked on.
Briana is really outgoing at home and with her close circle of friends. But at school, she gets swallowed up by bigger personalities. Her teacher says she has friends but she is one of the quieter kids in the classroom. She is one of the youngest kids in her class, and that is probably a bit intimidating. I know she will mature and I hope she will continue to try to stand up for herself.
I just witnessed bullying first hand last week. A boy (probably around 6 years old or so) started to bully Bri when she, Doug and I stopped in Barnes and Noble. There is a toy train table always set up in the kids section of the store and Bri picked up a train and started to play. The boy grabbed the train away that Bri was playing with and started playing with it himself. Bri then picked up some random plastic dinosaur that happened to be sitting nearby and tried to play with that instead, but she really wanted a train. When the bratty kid ended up with two trains because another kid handed him his, he still wouldn't give Bri a train, even though he had two. She told him a few times (quite forcefully) that she wanted a train and he said to her "You can't get everything you want." I stepped in at that time and told her we were leaving because he didn't know how to share. What shocked me most was that he behaved like this right in front of adults without blinking. But I am so proud of Briana for trying to stick up for herself. In this harsh world, you have to unfortunately.
Above is Briana's spring school picture. Gosh she has grown up so much since her first day of kindergarten. I want to always see that smile (even though it is a bit forced in the picture - ha!).
I've heard people say that if you have a child that you have your heart walking around outside your body. If that ain't the truth.
I knew motherhood would be tough, but I guess you don't really "get it" until you live it. It is so much tougher than I even imagined.
Motherhood most certainly isn't for sissies.
