I said in my last post I was going to post about our trip to Colorado and I do plan on doing so, but I thought I would do a little update on me personally first.
I want to start another blog/website where I can start writing down all of my thoughts and feelings separately from this blog. When I figure out where I want to be, I will let you know where I am.
As I type this post, I feel totally exhausted and have a pretty good headache. I don't know what it is about having Hashimoto's and I am sure everyone who has it copes differently, but I am worn out every day.
Every. single. day.
It is a fatigue that I cannot explain. I can do one short outing and then I feel like I have been out and about all day. My bloodwork numbers show that I am in range now with my thyroid, but that doesn't matter. I am tired and sluggish. My stomach bothers me off and on. I have been getting sinus headaches lately. I have been having lots of issues with my ears blocking up too. I have had a couple of muscle spasm attacks in my upper back. It is awful.
Going to Colorado and being pretty busy for 4 days straight (getting there, the actual visit and the trip home) and making yet another visit to Briana's apartment to bring some things over right after that, took a toll on me. (On a side note, she is now finally settled in her apartment and she is absolutely loving it. She loves her privacy and her ability to cook. I will do an update on her in another post, but she is doing great.)
So between going on a trip, getting Briana all settled in her place, going to doctor appointments, helping my parents with doctor appointments and other life things, catching up with friends, dealing with chronic illness, living in this absolutely insane political environment and just doing my every day chores - I feel a bit beat up. I often think about ways I want to start making a little money, but I then always have to take how I am feeling into consideration.
A quick positive note...I went to the grocery store today, and I walked all around the store. I
felt tired afterward. But, I did think to myself that two years ago, I
was recovering from heel surgery. I sometimes cannot believe how well I
walk now and how good my heel feels. That is one thing that I was able
to overcome and that has been wonderful.
I swear I am not lazy. In my heart, I have so much I want to do. My body just can't seem to keep up with all of that.
And I am SO fatigued mentally as well.
This has been floating around social media and it hits the nail on the head...
Living with anxiety and chronic illness makes you tired already. You add in how badly our country is being run right now and everything feels debilitating to me.
I am trying to go about living my life knowing the worst of the worst are running our country into the ground. People with no moral compass. Absolutely no experience. No feelings for people in need. Total "kiss the ring" people and yes people. People who only care about power and how much money they can make and at the same time, take away from the less fortunate. The pedophile, rapist, racist, lying head honcho is absolutely dementia-ridden and droopy-mouthed from stroke - which accentuates his horrifying narcissism. And he craps his pants every day. This all feels terrifying to me. There are NO adults in the room. Which I clearly stated would happen before the 2024 election. Everything I predicted has happened. It is actually worse than I imagined.
And NO, this stuff isn't happening because of B!den. Two years into this presidency, this crap show is all on MAG.A.
Grocery prices and gas prices are through the roof. Diseases we haven't dealt with in decades are returning because of the ignorance around vaccines. Our food is constantly being recalled because we have no one in charge making sure it is safe anymore. We are in an ongoing war that started based on a lie. Our healthcare premiums are going up. So many people have lost their jobs. Farmers are losing their farms (FAFO). Data centers, which zap all of our natural resources, are being built everywhere. Christian nationalism is being forced down all of our throats. The negative effects of climate change are showing up in full force. Women have lost their right to bodily autonomy (including my daughter). Minority groups are less safe. We now have concentration camps here in America. Free speech is being suppressed. I can go on, but I just don't want to.
And I have to try to go about my normal business knowing all of this. How? It is getting harder for me every day. Trying to put a smile on my face knowing the shit show this country is now. And how angry and disappointed I am at everyone who either wanted or allowed this to happen. I am just very, very tired.
I am scared about the midterms. Nervous people will be too scared or indifferent to vote for change. Nervous that MAG.A will try to suppress the vote (which they are already starting to do). Nervous that people who rightfully win their elections will be called fraudsters and/or won't be sworn into office. On January 3 of next year, we will find out how corrupt the right really is.
So how am I doing?
Good in some ways. Not so good in others. Doug is doing well. Briana is doing well. I really really really wish I could feel better. I wish I had more energy, though I am happy for the energy I do have and I am grateful that I can walk again. I hope that the election in November will bring about positive change because something has to change for the better. I am not sure my mental state will be able to take it if things don't change soon.
That is my update. Trip to Colorado post will be next.
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