The Upside Of Things

Ok - here it is. A post with some positive stuff that has been going on around here. 

 

Being a hardcore empath, I soak in everything. I honestly feel everything. There has been so much "bad" lately, that is what has been overwhelming me lately. I will keep all the "bad, frustrating stuff" out of this blog post.

 

Some good news ~ my ear is feeling slightly better today. I still plan on going to my ENT this week, but hopefully, maybe, this ear blockage episode is finally improving. I am kind of afraid to say it out loud. Who knows, my ear could be bad again tomorrow - but I am just going to enjoy today.

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As you know, I got vaccinated last week. That is super positive...

 

One step closer to getting back to a more normal life.

And though my hair appointment was atrocious, my hair looks so much better now...

It makes me feel better. I was starting to feel so icky looking at all those grays in my hair. I'm just not ready to embrace that part of myself yet.

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A few weeks ago, Doug and I brought Bri to B@rnes and Noble. It was the first time we had gone there since the pandemic started. Yes - we did encounter the ignorant maskless lady at first, but overall the experience was good. Everyone else was wearing masks and the store was practically empty. Briana LOVES book stores and she loves to read. It's her happy place. It's fun watching her thumb through all the books. She picked out several books she thought looked interesting...

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 Since life has been kind of stagnant lately and we are still home quite a bit, I decided to surprise Bri with some super cute slippers she wanted...

She wears them a lot. Sometimes little things can make you really happy.

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Briana is now in the last 9 weeks of school. Next week is spring break (yay!). I can feel her need to have another break already. 9th grade is no joke. She is doing really well in all her classes and she is really enjoying her audio/visual technology class. The class learned how to create a video step by step (lighting, shot angles, editing, etc). A couple of weeks ago, the students were asked to fill out a log with notes and also submit some of their raw footage for one of the assignments. Briana did such a good job with her assignment, her teacher used her submissions as an example in (zoom) class...

 

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Saturday afternoon, we had our friends (the C family) come over to enjoy our home theater. We w@tched "R@ya and the Last Dragon"...

 

We had a really fun time.

 

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Doug, Bri and I really enjoyed "W@ndavision" and we were sad when it was over. But now, we are enjoying "F@lcon and the W!nter Soldier" every Friday evening...

 

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Speaking of friends, Bri's friend Mary dropped off some lemon bread to us one afternoon. It was so sweet of her and it was very yummy. I totally forgot to take a picture of it, but it was similar to this...

 

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And look who has belly fur!!!!

It's a miracle!!!!

I honestly didn't think I would ever see fur on her belly again. You don't know how happy this makes me. It's now pollen season again, so this may be short-lived. I'm taking this as a win!!

I love my sweet furry girl. She is my shadow, and at times, I feel a bit smothered. But, she is definitely my little companion. She is either staring at me or sleeping by me. Bri and Doug shut their doors when they are working/schooling, so I give Mei access to me so she won't get lonely. And she certainly takes advantage of that access. She is with me ALL the time. If I am in the kitchen, she is in the kitchen. If I am in my bedroom, she is in my bedroom. If I am in my office, she is in my office, in the hallway right outside my office or peering at me from my bedroom. If I am in the basement, she is in the basement. And she also likes to sit right on top of me wherever I am too. 

 

You get the picture...

 

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We have had a lot of rain and storms blow through our area, but luckily nothing too severe has hit directly where I live. Sadly, parts of Alabama and areas south of Atlanta have had harder blows. This is one of the storms that blew through here the other day...

Very grateful it didn't do any real damage (a small tree did fall in my neighbors yard). I like the rain because it washes away the horrible pollen. I don't like the storms though.

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 I am still doing a bunch of cooking. I swear when this pandemic is over, I may refuse to cook for a month. I decided to attempt making corned beef and cabbage on St. Patrick's Day. I had never tried cooking it before, but I thought, why not? And it turned out really good! It was quite simple (you just have to cook it all day in the crockpot), so I will definitely be cooking it again...

 

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Easter and Passover season is upon us now. I honestly cannot believe we are celebrating another Easter/Passover during Covid, but I am trying not to dwell on that. Of course, I decorated my house once again for Easter...

Doug, Bri and I ate a quite Passover dinner last night (matzah ball soup {compliments of grandmaschickensoup.com}, latkes and matzah)...

So good.

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Briana is still drawing away. She loves to draw digital photos on her iPad...

I think I will do my next blog post on all the great pictures she has drawn lately.
 

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 Finally, I realized that I am able to still laugh. The laughs are further and farther between nowadays, but I am not totally gone.

Last night, I turned on "AFV" (America's Funniest Videos) with Bri and Doug and we started watching. We started cracking up at some of the videos. And then one particular video popped up. There was this adorable bulldog named Duke who was so upset having to get his nails clipped. He was making the funniest howls - his owner was trying to be super gentle with him, but he was still super ticked off! 

 

I don't know why, but I couldn't stop laughing. The sound he was making was hilarious. Tears were rolling down my face. You would have thought he was being tortured and they weren't really doing anything to him. 

His video ended up winning the night. And his human mom said he had to be sedated at the vet the next time he got his nails clipped. It made life better for everyone involved! LOL!

I proved to myself that I can still laugh. I still have happiness inside me. I may not feel it as often nowadays, but it's still there. I just need to start feeling better physically (chronic illness sucks). I need this pandemic to be over. I need to get back to real life and figure out what my next steps in life will be.

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So, I hope you enjoyed this happier post. I definitely enjoyed writing it more than my angry ones! I'll be back next with some of Bri's creations. Have a great week everyone!

54 Weeks Behind Us (Weekly Update)

 54. 

54 weeks since coronavirus hit the state of Georgia full force.

An update of numbers just so you can see...

And Dr. B!rx's thoughts on the pandemic...

 

Well, we all know that didn't happen sadly.

I know I said I was going to write a post last week about lots of good things going on in my life (there have been some positive things that have happened). But, I was a bit busy last week and I've also been dealing with my ongoing ear issue (which is still super uncomfortable), so the post didn't happen. I have been exercising my jaw, but it's not really working. I was in tears on Friday due to the ear issue plus all the pollen - which is doing a terrible number on my head. I do have an appointment to see my ENT this week. 

 The post is definitely going to happen in the next day or so though. I don't want to mix in my good stuff with all the yucky stuff.

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 So, some BIG news did happen for me last week (Monday). I got VACCINATED!! My first dose (Pf!zer). Yes I did. And I am so, so, so happy about it. I went through a drive-through location and it was a very well-oiled machine. So easy. I'm nervous about getting the second one because I know I might feel a bit icky afterward, but I am very ready for it.

 First one...

The only kink in my happiness is that Bri cannot get vaccinated yet. Until that happens, it's pretty much business as usual - masks and social distancing. I don't want B to get this virus without any protection. There just isn't enough known yet about spread from a vaccinated person.

Once you have been fully vaccinated...

Believe me, I am ready to get back into "normal" life again. I just can't yet.

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Another thing that happened last week was I got my hair cut and colored finally...

I decided to give my hairdresser one more try (if you remember, my last appointment was horrid). I wanted to see if this appointment would be as bad as the last one. Plus, I really needed to get the hair color brand that she uses on my hair in case I decided to change to someone else (she uses a non-ammonia brand on me). I have been with my hairdresser for over 20 years - I just felt the need to give it one more shot.

 And she is now officially NOT my hairdresser anymore. I didn't fire her to her face, but she'll realize in time I won't ever, ever, ever have her touch my hair again.

When she texted to confirm my appointment, I double-checked with her about mask use. She said that hairstylists are still required to wear masks (though she made it clear she wasn't happy about it). She has an associate that shares her salon space with her, so I figured they would both be wearing masks that day. I was prepared for her associate's clients to possibly not be wearing masks, because that isn't required - at least in GA. I walked into the space with my mask on. My hairdresser did not have her mask on when I arrived but did put it on as I entered the room. I looked across the room and neither the associate nor the associate's client had masks on. My hairdresser did NOT inform me that her associate had decided to completely disregard the mask rule (welcome to GA). So, I was pissed to start off. My knee jerk reaction was to leave immediately, but I had to get my hair done (it had to be done) and I really needed that hair color info. 

So, I casually got the hair color info from her and managed to keep the conversation pretty light for about an hour and 45 minutes. Then, she decided to dive into politics as she was drying my hair. Crap. Over the hairdryer, she spewed off things from immigration to the covid bill to the shootings - starting with CO. She obviously knows where I stand on things because I never remove my mask when I am in her presence. For some reason, she has felt free to say whatever she freakin' wants to me lately. Then, she started in on the As!an shootings - to a woman who is raising an As!an daughter. Starts to rant about it not being a hate crime and this and that. That's when I had it. I felt my body shaking. I started to argue back at her. I was so angry. She started to back off a bit, but what a lot of people like her do is try to divert/change or twist the topic. Which is what she did. And when someone says to you the stereotypical "You know, As!ans are smart right?" - you pretty much can figure out you may be dealing with someone who is racist (which she seriously doesn't think she is).

Over the last several years (honestly - since Tr@mp became president), she has made a number of cringe-worthy rac!st comments in my presence. I would try to politely correct her and think to myself she was just ignorant. I had been with her for so many years - I kept telling myself that I was only seeing her a couple times a year, that I had known her for years before she went off the deep end and that she did really good hair. I realize now I should have dumped her years ago. She obviously now feels she has a platform to show her true colors.

She wrapped up drying my hair and then tried to be super sweet to me as I gave her my credit card. I was wondering if she felt she had crossed a line. Maybe. Maybe not. I don't care - I'm done. I was civil enough as I was leaving, but I didn't make another appointment with her. I would be surprised if she didn't realize as I walked out of the door that the relationship was over for good.

I will never EVER put myself in that position again. Her unprofessionalism was astounding to me. I just want a comfortable, enjoyable experience. If I ever wanted to hear anything that F@x News had to say (which I don't), I could turn on the damn TV myself. I don't need it spewed at me while I'm getting my hair done.

What a long few hours. Holy moly.

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  Speaking of mask use, when Doug and I took Bri to a bookstore a couple of weeks ago, the first person we encountered entering the store was maskless. And so were her older grandkids. The sign on the door said...

A private company. Just like "no shoes, no shirt, no service." Companies do NOT have to serve you or let you stay on their private property if you do not follow the rules...

I was pretty angry that she was blatantly ignoring the rules of the store. And also showing her grandkids that they don't have to respect rules. About 30 minutes later, I actually did see her with a mask on. I wonder if someone said something to her.

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And I guess I'll end with this. Remember in my last post when I said all this about GA...

Lucky me, now I get to add the sick, twisted, rac!st massive voter suppression bill that Georgia signed into law on Friday to that list! Unbelievable. I wasn't sure things could get uglier around here, but dang I was wrong. I would move out of GA tomorrow if I could.

There are no words. Just none. 

I'll let these pictures do the talking for me...

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So, I promise to write a happier, more positive post next. I didn't want to mix all this icky crap in with the good. Though - the vaccine news was good!

Wish me good luck at my ENT appointment this week. I am hoping for some helpful guidance on next steps.

Be back in a couple of days!

53 Weeks Behind Us (Weekly Update)

53.

53 weeks behind us since coronavirus hit the state of GA.

Last week's post was a bit bitter for me. Being at this pandemic for an entire year - having it get as bad as it did - it's been tough.

I thought (I hoped) my post last week would be the last really tough post I'd have to write for a while. People are getting vaccinated now. Virus numbers are coming down (they are still pretty high though - just not horrifying like they were before). We have a new administration. There seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel.

But then the Atlanta spa shootings happened on Tuesday.

Yet ANOTHER bad/horrible thing to happen in Georgia.

 Living in GA since the beginning of 2020, I've had to deal with viral high school crowded hallway/maskless group photo controversies during a pandemic, Ahm@ud Arb@ry's vigilante justice murder, the ending of restrictions/lockdown way too early and before any other state (GA never had any true restrictions anyway), ginormous coronavirus numbers, M@rjorie T@ylor Greene getting elected, a very contentious extended senatorial runoff race, standardized state exams during a pandemic (which we refused and were lowered finally to .01%), accusations of voter fraud (that never existed) and now - a race driven shooting aimed at Asian-Americans - which was downplayed by the cop in charge of the case as the shooter having "a bad day." A cop who sold racist T-shirts online when the pandemic started (thank goodness he has been removed from the case). Add in national news like Ge@rge Floyd's murder and the summer protests that followed and witnessing an insurrection provoked by a president live on TV. Everything feels like a sh!t show right now.

 When I heard about this tragedy on Tuesday, I was horrified, saddened and scared for my daughter (and the entire Asian-American community). I already had been very upset by all the Asian-American attacks that have happened. I immediately posted on FB what a horrible tragedy it was. And yes - I was angry. 

I pointed out a year ago (and many times after that) that the horrible rhetoric being spewed (and still being spewed) by the former lame duck about the virus/pandemic was rac!st and very dangerous.

 Attacks against Asian-Americans have gone up by 150% since the pandemic started.

Just watch this (click link)...

https://fb.watch/4lVntoiYur/

All the times Tr@mp said "Ch!na virus" - over and over and over again.

 

Hateful. Shameful.

 

When I posted a few articles about the shootings (backing my belief that they were racially motivated due to the shooter specifically targeting Asian businesses), I mostly received validation, understanding and support (I'd say like 95%). But at the same time, I did get a little resistance - which was surprising and quite unsettling to me. I've noticed quite a bit of silence too - people who have said absolutely nothing to me about any of this.

 

A good article to read...

How are the Atlanta spa shootings NOT a hate crime?

"Baker (the spokesman) has since been removed from the case, but the damage is done. He's already used his influence to sell — on national TV — the standard cocktail of sexual fet!shism, Asian fem@les and "provoked" violence."

Doug and I had a long talk with Briana about what happened the next day. She cried. I cried. I'm not a fan of super tough conversations. And yes, Briana has had a few race-related incidents during her lifetime (which I won't get into detail here). To white adoptive parents who have a children who are BIPOC - you HAVE to talk and be open with your kids about this subject. You have to admit this is real because it is real. You are not doing them any favors by ignoring it.

 So on Friday afternoon - I just laid on my bed and cried. No, I wept. I wept for those who died that day and their families. For the Asian-American community - who is really scared right now. Because I can't understand people making excuses for r@cism, turning a blind-eye to it or believing it doesn't exist. Because people are still supporting a person who is a hateful bully/narcissist with no conscience. Because people refuse to wear masks. Because I am not sure what to do about Bri and school next year. Because I'm still struggling with chronic illness. Mourning relationships that I had to sever. Mourning relationships that may be permanently damaged. Feeling let down by a lot of people. Feeling a complete lack of control in so many aspects of my life. Knowing that my "normal" before Tr@mp and this pandemic is gone forever.

 And then, Doug and Briana came to check on me and saw how sad I was. They both comforted me - which was something I really needed in that moment. Then I reminded myself that they are what matters to me the most. And if they are in my corner, then I am good. I will be ok.

 Here are a few memes/tweet that help explain what I am feeling regarding both the shootings and the pandemic...

Once again, I had a post in mind that I planned on writing. This post went in a different direction because of current events. I think I will write a separate post this week on some of the good things that have been going on in my life. Writing about St. Patrick's Day or a visit to a bookstore just didn't feel appropriate for this particular blog post. 

So, I will be back in a few days with a more positive-themed post. To those who have kindly reached out to me or just wrote a kind comment to me about what happened - thank you. It means more than you know.

52 Weeks/1 Year Behind Us (Weekly Update)

I started tearing up as I typed the title of this post in the title box.

Wow - there's a little bit of pressure going into writing this post. When I started writing posts weekly starting at "Week 6," I never imagined I'd be doing it for this long. It's really crazy. I feel like I need to say something really important, valuable or substantial. I'm not sure if I am up to the task. I'll just speak my truth.

52 weeks/1 year behind us now since coronavirus hit the state of GA (and the United States) full force.

It's been a tough year. There were some bright spots throughout the year for sure, but overall, it's been a tough year.

 For the last month, I have unfortunately been struggling with TMJ pain/eustachian tube dysfunction (blocked ear) on my right side. I have been doing jaw strengthening and eustachian tube exercises for the last few days, and I am noticing positive results (thank goodness). But, I've been dealing with this on top of everything else going on. It's been stressful.

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 This is what the former person in charge was saying a year ago...

LIAR.

Lies upon lies upon lies. Denial after denial after denial. 

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As I type this post, the number of deaths are...

530,000+ deaths in the U.S. More than WWI, WWII, Vietnam and 9/11 combined. It didn't have to be this way.

When all this was first happening, I immediately believed it. I listened to the experts and the scientists, and I did what research I could from what was available at the time. I knew this virus was real and it meant business. I refused to listen to conspiracy theories. My gut told me that it could get really, really bad. And it did get really, really bad. Multitudes of people who caught the virus (and survived it) are now dealing with mild/moderate/debilitating long-term effects after the virus has left their systems. This virus can wreak havoc on a body - even if you are healthy. Young and old - it does not discriminate. And now we have dangerous variants, thanks to those who didn't want to believe this was real. I wish every person had listened. I wish every person had believed it.

For me, this predicament won't be over for my family until Doug and I get vaccinated and Briana also gets vaccinated. We didn't social distance just for me and Doug. We did it for Bri too. I know she is a healthy 14 year old teen, but even healthy kids can get quite sick and could possibly suffer long-term after effects. She's been so mentally and emotionally strong throughout this ordeal and has been so careful for so long. We aren't going to throw any of that away now. My family will continue to social distance, wear masks and be vigilant until we absolutely don't have to anymore. We haven't caught Covid so far (hope it stays that way) and we are almost to the finish line.

Briana's pediatrician's office posted this on FB a few weeks back...

Teens should get heart screened if they have recently had Covid. Just an FYI.

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Speaking of the former "gaslighter" in charge, he made my kid's life even more difficult (and all Asian Americans) with all his horrible, racist rhetoric...

I've never been so freaking happy to see someone forced out of office.

 (It makes me so incredibly confused, disappointed, sad and angry that people still support him after he led an insurrection that killed people. After all the hateful things he said and did throughout his presidency. I'll never, ever, ever understand it.)

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One year ago, Monday, March 16th, 2020, Briana started virtual learning (and never went back to face to face learning)...

It was very unnerving and overwhelming at first, but she managed to find her groove with it. It was not the nightmare we imagined it could be. I am grateful that Briana is a self-motivated learner (most of the time) and very dang smart.

 Do we wish this hadn't happened? Yes. Do we wish Bri had a "normal" freshman year? Yes. But we've made it work. What to do for 10th grade is up in the air right now. I am very hopeful that Bri's junior year and senior year will be "normal" again. Let's hope.

  Just know though - people's experiences with this virus this past year differed greatly depending on where people lived and their view on it. I live in an area where the majority of the population did not embrace social distancing and mask use, so my family's decision-making and ability to go out/move around was greatly affected/diminished by that train of thought.

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I am feeling quite sad. After a year of this pandemic, I have some very strained relationships - with both friends and family members. I had to distance myself from some people and sever contact with others due to what I believe are toxic viewpoints (and this goes beyond politics for me). It's not been easy but necessary. I had a couple of people disconnect from me on social media when I posted articles that challenged their positions. I'm sure I've lost a few readers on this blog as well due to voicing my opinion - I can tell that my numbers are down just a bit. So, it's been a struggle.

I am trying to remember this...

I've had to do what I've had to do. I've had to be honest. I finally spoke my piece after being silent for a long time.

It's difficult to make life changes and/or meet new people in the middle of a pandemic. So, I feel quite stagnant right now and not able to move forward. I hope I can hang on just a few more months. Hopefully then, I can figure out some of my next moves.

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You all know by now that I am more of a "half-glass empty" type of personality. It's how I am wired. Some of it is genetic I'm sure and some is due to life experience. Even though this is usually "how I roll," I cannot end this year pandemic post on a negative note.

So...

Looking back at the positives this past year of the pandemic...

*Doug, Bri and I didn't get Covid. My parents didn't get Covid.

* Briana ended up attending school in a different way/learning in a new way and succeeded at it. She rocked the end of 8th and is doing awesome in 9th grade.

*Doug, Bri and I spent a lot of time together - just the three of us - something that would have probably never happened during normal times.

* I was able to stay home and help Briana with anything she needed virtual learning wise. I've tried to keep everything "inside our home" as normal as possible.

* The company Doug works for is doing better than ever. It grew by leaps and bounds despite the pandemic. He enjoys being a VP (even though he gets super busy at times). We are very blessed that he has such a solid job and lots of opportunities that go with it.

 * We have a beautiful new basement now with an amazing home theater that we are really enjoying.

* We had a very nice trip to Hilton Head. We got to enjoy the ocean again.

* We managed to celebrate every holiday in our own way. We had fun safely passing out candy on Halloween to trick or treaters. We celebrated Thanksgiving with my parents.

* Mei had a bit of a tough year, but now she seems to have finally found peace and calm in the last month or so and her fur is growing back. She had the attention of her favorite people 24/7 and lots of spoiling. Bri and Mei are tighter than ever.

* I figured out how to safely manage my tonsil stone situation and I rarely get them anymore. No tonsil surgery needed.

* I lost a few friendships, but a few of my friendships strengthened at the same time. I am grateful for that.

* My eyes were opened to bigoted and harmful belief systems of a number of people I cared about. Belief systems that were never truly revealed before "the world went crazy" but now have come to light (in different ways). I'm trying to look at this as a positive. It's really better that I know - even though it's been difficult to accept. The truth does set you free.

* We elected a new president (and two new GA senators) - a president who tells the truth to the American public, has actual empathy and acts like a grown up. Hallelujah.

 * And finally...

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I made it through the year...

Believe me though, I have certainly wanted to punch plenty of people in the face during this pandemic. All this social distancing has been quite helpful in keeping me from punching someone. Heh.

 

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I guess I will sign off now. Let's hope life will get closer to normal sooner than later. Thanks for reading along this past year (and even longer for many). Hope this "pandemic year" post met your expectations. There is light at the end of the tunnel - finally. Be back soon.