I haven't blogged in a long time. I miss it. A lot. I've been sick for going on 5 weeks now. I've barely taken a picture of my kid in the last few of weeks - you know that must mean I'm sick. I've hardly been on Facebook. I obviously haven't blogged. It might not sound like a long time, but for me, 5 weeks feels like forever. I hate to complain about illness because there are so many people fighting worse diseases and physical ailments than I am. And they are fighting harder and with a better attitude. But I'll admit I'm struggling right now. Probably because I have had so many different illnesses over the last few years. I feel like I'm chronic sick person. I feel like once I conquer something, something else pops up - reflux, back problems, chest problems, rashes, balance issues - you name it, I've pretty much battled it over the last few years. Not sure when I'm gonna catch a break.
This whole sick/sinus thing started back on Sept 14. I was eating chicken salad for lunch and I realized I couldn't really taste it very well. I got a bit scared. I've lost my sense of taste and smell in the past (a number of times since I was a kid), but it always occurred at the end of a bad cold. And it had been years since it had happened to me. I hate when I lose my taste and smell. You never realize how much you depend on those two senses until you don't have them. I had been feeling fine. This came out of nowhere.
About a day after my taste/smell issues, I started feeling pressure and pain way up in my nose. No other symptoms. No sneezing. No watery eyes. No runny nose. No congestion. Nothing but pressure up my nose and a diminished sense of taste and smell. I did think I might have a sinus infection - though I had never had one before.
Talking with my mom after a couple days of me dealing with the pressure and sense issues, she suggested in passing that I should maybe see her ENT. Unfortunately, her doctor is so good, I couldn't get in to see him for weeks. I realized when looking at his website that I had actually seen one of his partners about 5 years ago when I had some of balance issues. She didn't find anything back then, but I remembered her being pleasant enough, so I went and made an appointment with her instead because I could get in to see her sooner.
Biggest mistake I ever made.
Not ever having a sinus infection before, I didn't really know who to go to first. I realize now that I should have probably seen my GP first. Hindsight is 20/20. If I had gone to my mom's doctor, I also probably would have been better off. But, the ENT I saw ended up being a nightmare.
She looked in my nose at that first appointment and told me "oh yes - you are definitely swollen." Definite sinus infection. She told me she was going to give me Prednisone and told me to take Flonase. When I got to the pharmacy, I found out that she also prescribed me an antibiotic. Amoxicillin.
In that room, she never told me she was giving me an antibiotic. If I had known (never having sinus issues before), I would have told her that Amoxicillin doesn't work for me and it messes with my stomach. I have had so many antibiotics over the years that I have a bit of an immunity to some antibiotics. Believe me - I have enough experience with sicknesses over the years to know. The only antibiotic that works for me now is Levaquin. It's really tough stuff, but for me, it is what works. I tried to take the Amoxicillin for one day and it indeed made me sick. I called and left a message explaining my situation. I waited all day for a phone call. No call back all day. I called the next day to yell follow up and a nurse told me she tried to leave me a message the day before but my "mailbox was full." It was a lie. I had been home all day - with caller ID. I should have been alerted to problems with her and her staff at that moment.
The nurse told me that my ENT prescribed a different antibiotic - not the one I requested, but one I hadn't taken before either. I was a bit worried, but I wanted to give it a chance.
After 5 days, I felt no improvement. And I was going to Maine for fall break. I really wanted to feel better.
I went back to her office right before the trip to ask a bunch of questions. Was it ok to fly? Why was I not feeling better? Why weren't the meds kicking in even a little? Could I have done something myself to bring this infection on (Afrin use in the past, etc)? She brushed every question off that I asked like no big deal, looked at my nose, said it was looking better, said just give the meds more time and then told me to add a neti rinse to my regiment. I told her that I was beginning to feel a bit anxious by it all because I had been sick for two weeks already and I had to travel. I should not have told her that. I think that planted a bias of me in her head.
I got on that plane to Maine. I was sick and stressed. I tried to make the most of it. I smelled and tasted the best I could. It wasn't easy. I continued with my meds like a good girl. Rinsed my sinuses. Inhaled steam. And I was still miserable when I got home.
At that point, I was getting angry. I knew the meds hadn't been strong enough. I just knew it. I should have moved on from her at that moment, but I didn't. That was my mistake. I called again asking for a stronger prescription. Instead, she asked me to come in and get a CT scan.
So I did. I wanted to make sure nothing was really wrong with my sinuses. I walked in her office still feeling pressure in my nose and my taste and smell were still fluctuating (stronger at times and weaker at others - sometimes couldn't smell something unless I held it right up to my nose).
She walked in the CT scan room and in 5 seconds, I had it done. She looked at my sinuses on the scan and said they looked fine. The infection was just about gone. I told her that I was still feeling lots of pain and pressure in my nose and I was still having those sense issues.
That is when she looked at me and said I just have a headache and that I should move on to a neurologist because there was nothing else she could do for me. I don't know how a sinus infection turned into a neurological issue, but it did in her mind. And she had no idea why my taste and smell were still fluctuating/diminished. She was so matter of fact about it. I was stunned. And I was angry. I wanted to cry. She looked at me like I was crazy/lying/not feeling what I was feeling. I told her I wanted a second opinion. I asked her if she ever had someone lose taste and smell due to a virus - and she callously told me yes. She handed me some names of other ENTs and I left the office.
I went it alone for about another week (hoping it would dissipate on its own) and then went to see my GP. Who I love. He is the best and I should have seen him first. I told him what happened. He kind of cocked his head when I told him the ENT recommended a neurologist. He gave me much stronger meds (he believed it was still sinus related) and said if I was still struggling after the meds (he even gave me a refill of the antibiotic), he would rather recommend another ENT over a neurologist.
So, I am now on day 9 of my antibiotic. Do I feel improvement? Definitely yes. There is no doubt this is a sinus issue. Am I smelling and tasting a bit better? Yes. Not perfect but better. Am I still feeling some pressure? A little - but improving.
Unfortunately, the extended length of my (hopeful) recovery has led me to experience some massive anxiety issues. For the past 5 weeks, I have found myself trying to smell and taste things all over the house - all the time - to make sure my senses are still there. My level of paranoia has kind of gone through the roof. I was scared of losing my taste and smell completely. How do people live with that? I know they do - but it must be so difficult. You realize just how much our society revolves around food when you can't really taste and smell it. It's eye opening.
I am still a bit nervous that I won't get my full sense of taste and smell completely back (though it's getting stronger daily). And if I do get it back, will it leave again? It's crazy thinking, but it's what I am going through right now.
I haven't really seen my friends in weeks. I don't like leaving the house all that much. I am trying to be a mom to Bri, but it's difficult at times. I have a husband that travels quite a bit and I have to tackle things by myself when I don't feel well. It is quite distressing.
I wish I could just accept that I am getting better. Anxiety and doubt makes that hard sometimes. There is no doubt that I have improved a lot since this started 5 weeks ago, but I still worry about the next day. And the day after that. This has been a long "recovery."
To my friends that have reached out to me with a kind word or suggestion, thank you. My mom has been wonderful - I've confided in her a lot. I kind of feel like I am having an out of body experience right now. I don't feel like myself. It's Halloween - my favorite time of year and I haven't enjoyed one bit of it yet. I decorated the house for Bri's sake - but my heart wasn't in it.
I'm probably oversharing all of this, but you know that I'm a sharer. That's who I am. And me keeping all this bottled in for all these weeks is making me a bit crazier I think. So I hope I haven't scared anybody away and I hope you all don't I am a raving lunatic (because I am feeling a little like one). I'm just a sick girl who is not coping very well right now.
As I said in the title - I am feeling a bit broken right now. I've lost 15 pounds in 5 weeks. Please say a prayer for me. Say one for Doug and Bri because they have been so great and I hate that they are watching me like this.
Give me a little time to get back to my old self. Or at least close enough.
I'm going to try to blog again soon. I think that will help my perspective.
