Time for another update on me. I have a ton of Christmas content to post, but I thought I would do this first. I don't know why I share so much of my health journey, but it helps to get it out into the open and maybe someone else can relate to this.
I had a breakdown today. Not a screaming fit or anything - just a big time sob. I cried in front of my kid (which I HATE doing). I am having a health issue again that I don't want to talk about here - but it isn't life threatening. It's just annoying and I am tired of constantly backpedaling in my health journey. I just don't feel well. It's the holidays and I am always sick with something at Christmastime.
Oh - and I started seeing a flashing light in my right eye (peripheral vision) a couple of weeks ago. I went to my optometrist who looked in my eye and said he did see a vitreous detachment. There isn't anything I can do about it but just be aware if I see worse flashing and go see him if that happens. The last thing I need is a retinal detachment. Just add this to my health list of crap.
I spoke with my PT specialist back in early November and told her I am just over a lot of things. I told her that I was tired of seeing so many different doctors and meds being thrown at me all the time. She recommended a functional medicine doctor (one with an MD background). I made an appointment this functional medicine doctor at the beginning of December. I have seen her twice now and Doug has accompanied me both times to get a feel for everything.
I like her. I hope she can help me.
I had to explain to her during my first visit basically 30 years of health issues that I have experienced (including my infertility journey) - basically since I got married. And I also had some weird things happen to me as a kid too. Writing that list was upsetting and overwhelming. I have a love/hate relationship with my body for sure. The main issues that I am dealing with now are Hashimoto's and perimenopause, and it is super tough.
Perimenopause starts for a lot of women when they turn 35. I would say my life started really flipping upside down about 10 years ago (so that put me around 42), so I think I was a little late to that party. A party that I really didn't want to attend in the first place.
For a healthy woman hitting perimenopause, it is a big jolt, but eventually she starts to figure out how to navigate it. Not that it is an easy journey but hopefully a manageable one. I hit perimenopause as a chronically ill/infertile person, so I was already heavily limping in life when I hit that wall. So with all my negative health history - plus now Hashimoto's - I am hitting rock bottom. Oh - and also add in a horrible Hagland's Deformity that caused me to literally limp for a couple of years, a very intense surgery and a super tough recovery.
Before I explained anything else to the functional medicine doctor that day, I told her that my body was a dumpster fire. And I wasn't lying.
She had me do a bunch of tests - the biggest one was food sensitivity test that I am still waiting for results on. Being a Hashimoto's person now, she told me that I should go gluten-free. Forever. Once I get my test results back, I may have even more restrictions. She is putting me on an "elimination diet" which will help me reset my body. I will have to be on it 6 weeks (she said I can do 4 if it becomes too difficult). It will be really hard. I will start this diet as soon as Bri goes back to school because attempting this kind of diet during the holidays is just really dumb. Once I get through 6 weeks, I will eventually start to slowly bring back things into my diet like eggs, beef, peanuts, soy, etc (except gluten) - to see if my body can tolerate them. She also has a list of supplements she wants me to start. I pray I start to feel so much better.
Friday morning, I had to give blood for like the 100th time this year. This time it was for my endocrinologist because she wants to check my TSH levels since I am on a higher dosage of Synthroid now. As I sat in a waiting room that morning - again - I started to feel super anxious. As soon as I sat down, I felt like I wanted to flee...
I feel for anyone with a very serious chronic illness, cancer or terminal illness - because this is your life situation as well. Except there is way more uncertainty, sadness and stress.
I. Hate. Waiting. Rooms.
Doug has once again changed his job (long story - but he is super happy now), so that means our insurance changed again. And I have to inform EVERYBODY. I have a like/hate relationship with insurance. Glad to at least have insurance for the most part. There were a number of mistakes made on the part of the doctors' offices and the insurance companies that I had to jump in and fix this year. My endocrinologist switched me to brand name Synthroid when I first saw her in July. She finds it works the best in her patients. My last insurance company refused to pay for my brand name Synthroid because I had only tried one generic (which sucked) and they wanted me to try a second one before going brand name. Because you know, Anthem Blue Cross obviously knows so much more than my endocrinologist does about health care and medicine (insert expletive here). So I have been paying out of pocket for it. And I do feel a bit better on it. I will eventually see if my new insurance will pay for brand name, but I am not going to hold my breath. The insurance system is SO broken here in the states. And now insurance premiums are going to skyrocket due to the Cankles administration, so it will suck even more. I just want to pull my hair out of my head sometimes.
I didn't want to have to sit in yet another waiting room in 2025, but it is possible I might have to this week if I don't feel better. I will see.
I'd really love to not cry for the rest of 2025 but that doesn't seem likely. I do try to count my blessings because people do have things/issues so much worse than me. I have a lot of good going for me. But, I don't remember the last time I felt healthy and refreshed. Truly. So I think it is ok to have a little pity party once in a while.
I will say - I have had a nice holiday season overall. I have tried to not let my health woes stop me from decorating, spending time with Bri or seeing my friends and family. But there is an underlying sadness and anxiety that I always feel because I just don't feel well. Something has got to change.
So that is the scoop. I will start my elimination diet on January 5th. Wish me luck. I am really, really going to need it.
