13th Briana Day Anniversary

13 years ago, we met our beautiful, introverted, intelligent, artistic, funny, caring daughter in Chongqing, China for the very first time. We were all terrified on that day, and from that moment on, we slowly took our time getting to know and love each other. Now we have an unbreakable bond. We are a small, tight family unit navigating this crazy world together.

What a memorable day it was...

Doug's and my dream came true that day.

Here is our China travel video including Bri's "gotcha" moment (in case you haven't seen it or want to see it again)...

Happy 13th Gotcha-versary/Briana-versary to our amazing daughter. You are such a bright light in this world and we are so blessed to be your parents...

19 Weeks Behind Us

Well, 19 weeks are now behind us Georgians in our "fight" against coronavirus. At least some of us are fighting against it anyway.

I may be a minority when it comes to all things politics and coronavirus in my county, heck - my whole state, but I'm still doing my thing and fighting the good fight.

First, I want to thank you all for reading my "Loss, Struggle and Grief" post. I had some nice feedback on it - which is quite flattering. So thanks for that.

Last week was pretty quiet in our household.

Bri and I enjoyed our little pool one day again last week...

Unfortunately, it has rained a lot more in the afternoons (which is when we like to go in it), so we missed a few days...

We really did need some rain - it hadn't rained significantly in quite a while, so I wasn't mad about it.

Friday, Bri and I stopped by my parents' house to drop off some birthday gifts for my dad (his birthday is Tuesday!) and my mom made Bri some cookies. In order for B to make crystal clear that the cookies were only for her, she came home immediately and labeled them as such. Yes, she's lovely...

Yesterday afternoon, Briana and I picked up her new glasses. She got new lenses in a pair of frames she already had (her backup pair) and she also got a brand new pair of frames and lenses which will be her main pair now. They are so cute and she really likes them (she gets a glare in the lenses sometimes when we are sitting in the car)...

Briana has been keeping busy by drawing a lot. She decided to draw the "Funneh Crew" again this year - she drew them back in 2018 and 2019 too. She wanted to see how her drawing has improved...

It's amazing how much she has improved and changed in her drawing...

After much discussion and after many years of putting it off, Doug, Bri and I are finally getting our unfinished basement finished...

We figure, since we are going to be around a lot the next few months and Doug won't be traveling for a while, it's a good time to get it done. The contractors will be able to enter and exit from our basement door, so they will just do their thing. I am very nervous about all the noise, but I'm ready for it to be done so we can enjoy it. Doug has been busting it the last few weekends getting the basement all cleaned out and ready to go (with some help from me and Bri, but he has done the bulk of cleaning). He also managed to sell several large pieces of furniture we've been wanting to get rid of. (And now I have all of my holiday decorations stacked up in my dining room - ack.)

It's supposed to start some time this week, so wish us luck!

We are still in a bit of limbo when it comes to school starting back. All we know is that the virtual academy is aware that Bri is signed up and that school is still set for August 3. That's about it. Oh - and we do know the first week of virtual school is basically an orientation week. No true learning will happen until the week after. It's all so up in the air...

It has been hard reading and trying to keep up with info on some of the FB school pages because of all the snarky posting, commenting and bickering that's been going on. I think the hardest thing to read are other parents saying "just keep your kid home if you're scared."

Someone who commented on one of the pages made a good point though...

Of course, I'm quite nervous about the whole virtual school thing, but I'm just hoping for the best. Trying to accept this new normal...

And I really try not to go uber political in my posts. I may reference something political or mention how I disapprove of something the president has done, but today, I am going to address three things directly. I really feel the need. Then, I am going to really try to avoid talking politics from this point on. It's time for me to get in a new mindset - no matter what is going on around me. Just letting you all know in case you want to stop now...

One, I'm beyond angry about how he is actually taking any credit for this now. He has fought against it for MONTHS...

Way, WAY too late.

Secondly, as for school re-openings...

Briana's school district is directly next to a virus hot spot and the virus is starting to spread nicely here as well now. I feel there are not adequate enough social distancing/masking rules in place for face to face learning at her high school. B will be home the first semester - I'm grateful I have the opportunity to do it.

Oh - and just to keep you "in the know"...

https://people.com/politics/barron-trump-wont-be-going-back-to-school-this-fall/

https://people.com/health/children-aged-10-19-spread-coronavirus-just-as-much-as-adults-new-study-finds/

And lastly, the thing that bothers me more than anything else...

My daughter has heard the phrases "China/Chinese Virus" and "Kung Flu" way too many times from this man. It does bother her. Yes - this virus originated in China, but it can make all humans sick. The "Spanish Flu" of 1918 didn't even originate in Spain, but the name unfortunately stuck. I'll be calling it the "1918 Flu Pandemic" from now on. If anyone ever references the "Chinese/China Virus" or "Kung Flu" to me or my kid, especially now that I have explained that these phrases are indeed racist, that person will be saying goodbye to the both of us.

I won't stand for it. My kid comes first. The end.

Sorry to end this post on such a rough note. I don't like doing that. I am really frustrated and I just need to get my frustrations out.

Hey - instead of me ending on such a sucky note, let's actually look at some cute rainbows and unicorns...

Better? LOL! See, I can sometimes put rainbows and unicorns out into the universe. Heh.

Have a good week everyone. This is our last week of "summer break." We are going to attempt to make the most out of it!

Loss, Struggle And Grief

For some reason, I just felt the need to write.

I've experienced quite a bit of loss and struggle over the course of my lifetime ~ the loss of my grandparents and other relatives, the sudden loss of Doug's oldest brother, the sudden loss of one of my best friends, the loss of my two babies (miscarriages), my struggle with infertility, the loss of my former self after I moved as a teenager, the loss of friendships/relationships over the years, the struggles with my health (physically and mentally), trying to help Bri cope with the loss of her biological family, etc.

All of this loss and struggle has led to some pretty intense grieving (and anxiety) for me.

Since this pandemic hit, I am realizing just how many more things I am grieving now...

~ My pre-pandemic life - the life where I didn't have to worry about catching an easily spread, severely damaging, possibly deadly virus each and every day. I miss freely going to restaurants and stores and museums. I miss going on trips. I miss hanging out with my girlfriends in person. It is difficult going everywhere with a mask and it's difficult staying home so much.

~ The last third of my daughter's 8th grade year and the end of her middle school adventure. I'm grieving all the things she missed and should have been able to experience.

~ A true 2020 summer break experience. I have always tried to do summer up right for Bri - lots play dates, sleepovers, shopping, swim dates, vacations, fireworks, camps, berry picking, etc. And though I tried this year as best as I could to have a little fun, it was very difficult to make this summer break even close to as exciting as past summers.

~ My daughter having a "normal" first year of high school. B being home will be really strange, but even if I sent her to school, it still wouldn't be normal. There is nothing "normal" about living through a dangerous pandemic. This virus is quite scary, damaging and spreads like wildfire. #itsnotliketheflu #covidis10timesmorelethalthantheflu

~ The loss of a (somewhat) unified America. America is so unbelievably divided about so many things. And there are definitely two strongly opposing factions when it comes to Covid. Those who want to understand and conquer this virus and those who still believe it's not a big deal. We are at war with one another instead of being at war against a horrible virus - which is what should have happened from the beginning. 4 million cases in the US. Over 144K dead in the US. Almost 5000 new cases in Georgia just yesterday. It's horrifying. So many of those hospitalizations and deaths could have been prevented. What else is it going to take to get people to believe in this pandemic? How many people have to be hospitalized and die? Too many people still don't want to wear masks, social distance and continue to accuse others of "fear mongering."

~ The severe damage to and possible loss of relationships due to extreme opposing views on Covid19, politics, race relations and more. The respect I had for some people is now lost due to harsh things that have been said directly and/or posted online that can't be taken back. Not sure how/if that respect can return. Only time will tell.

~ The loss of empathy. So many people just don't seem to care about hurting other people's feelings anymore. If you say something directly or post something knowing that it could possibly upset someone or hurt feelings, but you still feel totally justified in doing so or saying so, I feel that is a huge problem.

~ The loss of critical thinking skills. Where is rational thought? It seems to have all disappeared. Everything nowadays seems to be fueled by pure emotion or gut reaction. Too many people are simply feeding off of manipulated radical left wing or radical right wing propaganda (which backs up their current belief system) and that manipulated info is then regurgitated back out into the world. No real fact checking or cross-checking is involved. And people are so easily sucked in by unfounded conspiracy theories too. Please stop blindly accepting political spin and untruths. Do some research. Data and science and medical expertise (from real medical professionals) are the main things we should be focusing on right now. It is something that I really try to do (though I don't always succeed).

~ The loss of common sense. Every single decision that is made right now by every single person regarding this virus ends up affecting society as a whole - from mask use to social distancing to attending schools. How people don't understand that concept is just baffling to me. The whole "you just do you boo" thing doesn't apply here at all. No matter how "normal" you want things to be, they can't be. The world can't be "normal" again until this virus is under control. And everyone should have some sense of nervousness about this virus by now. If you don't, you are sadly misinformed.

~ My hope for the year 2020. I really hoped for things to improve in 2020 because the last few years have been a bit of a struggle for me. That hope sadly died back in March.

I truly wish that I was a half glass full person. I wish I could spread happiness, positivity and love all over the place, but it's just not how I am wired. Much less during a pandemic. Deep down, I am a pessimist and I just have to embrace it. Maybe I should call myself a realist instead. I'm not saying that I don't try to look for hope or optimism in life, but it isn't my "go to" for sure.

I'm just really sad and super tired right now...

This is me. Experiencing all of the above.

Thanks for reading all this if you made it to the end. I'm sure some of you are grieving a lot of these same exact things right now too. I always feel better when I write things down and express myself - so here you go.

18 Weeks Behind Us

Eighteen.

18 weeks behind us now since coronavirus hit Georgia full force. Just over 4 months now. It's not easy, but we are still hanging in there.

Here's my weekly update. Per usual, let's start with all the positives.

Our little pool is still making us quite happy. It private and quiet - just how we like it. This was us on Tuesday afternoon...

Me (alone) on Friday afternoon...

Briana's best bud Jackson came over on Thursday afternoon for a "social distant" get together. Bri and Jackson were so happy to see each other. They hadn't seen each other in person in 4 months! And I got to catch up with J's mom too - so it was a good time!

I had to cancel Bri's eye appointment back in March when everything started shutting down, and it was finally time for me to get her set up with another appointment. Her eyes look very healthy, except her myopia is still getting a bit worse each visit (because she is still growing). It's something that can totally be fixed with glasses, so she has a new prescription again now and she's also getting a cool new pair of frames! We love our eye doctor by the way - he is the best...

I'm still cooking around 6 nights a week. It does get tiring sometimes. And I am NOT even close to a gourmet chef - I thrive in simplicity and basics. And I'm glad my family is good with that. I may not make the most inventive or creative things, but the things I do make are quite tasty if I do say so myself. I can throw together a really good cream of potato soup, and I totally rock at making grilled cheese sandwiches - heh...

Mei Mei and Bri are still bonding a lot. Mei couldn't stay away from Bri the other day...

And yes, I put a cone on Mei again. I tried the anti-itch powder (and I'm still applying it) and doing a daily brushing and it hasn't completely stopped her "mowing." I think a trip to the vet will be in order very soon. I've been getting all my other appointments in order lately, so this will be happening soon too I guess. (Luckily, she is content with the cone. It doesn't bother her. She's coned in the day and gets a break at night.)

As for my right ear, it is still doing ok. I still feel slightly blocked every so often, but nothing like I experienced for that horrible month. I wish I could say I was totally healed, but I'm not yet. But I'll still take it. Seriously, right now I am just so happy to be feeling this good. Not complaining at all.

So, now it's time to turn to what is going on in my neck of the woods. You know the drill. I get a bit serious here.

Living in Georgia is a total sh!t storm right now (sorry to be so blunt)...

For one, our GA governor is suing the Atlanta mayor over a mask mandate.

Bottoms mandated them because the virus numbers are climbing like crazy in Atlanta and hospitals are filling up. K@mp refuses to mandate mask wearing (even though he believes in them and constantly asks people to wear them) and Bottoms is trying to save lives. When people don't voluntarily do the right thing, that's when things get mandated. It's called "cause and effect." If people just did what was best for society as a whole, certain things wouldn't have to be forced upon them...

Widespread Wearing Of Masks Could Get Covid-19 Under Control Within 4-8 Weeks

Secondly, when several counties in the metro Atlanta area decided to go 100% virtual learning fall semester of 2020 last week due to super high virus numbers, people around here went insane - on both sides of the argument.

Many people in the counties that made the 100% virtual decision are quite upset and seem legitimately surprised it happened. Seriously, how? If everyone (not just a handful of people) had listened to the correct people, social distanced and wore masks, this mess could have possibly been avoided.

This is the bed they are lying in now...

My county is not one of the counties enforcing complete virtual learning. We have a choice of either going to school in person or virtually (glad to even have the choice). I chose virtual because my county still has ZERO plan on how to make going to school in-person safe.

The thing I am most frustrated about is how my county is rushing things. This is new territory for everyone and everything is so confusing - but the board of education of our county doesn't seem to care about that. They are adamant that the start date of August 3rd sticks. They won't push it back even a week to make sure everyone is hired, trained properly and ready to go in this new normal (for both in-person and virtual). They want to be the first out of the gate for some reason. Well, I'm not having my kid be a guinea pig in a rushed, untested, in-person experiment. She will be at home for the first semester and we will pray virtual learning goes well. And I will say a prayer for all the kids, teachers and staff that want to/have to go back. Yes, the numbers in my county are not as high as other counties right now. But for some reason, a lot of people in my county seem to think the virus magically stops at the county line. The counties that are going 100% virtual are smacked up right against mine. And again, I know for sure the virus is in my county too. So, I really hope there aren't any horrible outbreaks at the schools. Only time will tell.

As of right now, Bri will start her 9th grade year in virtual academy in two weeks...

And now many retail stores are going to mandate masks...

Stores Requiring Masks

It's just so frustrating. I've been saying all this needed to happen for months now and it never did. FOR MONTHS. And now we are four months into this crisis and we are in way worse shape than we were before (especially in the US South). And it's not like we weren't told it would happen. It's embarrassing. And I'm angry. Damn right I'm angry. I have every right to be.

I'm tired of hearing that I have the choice to stay home. Is it really a "choice" now?
The "choice" I have been given is to either stay home safely or go out and risk getting super sick because people still refuse to social distance and wear masks. My "choice" to stay home has pretty much been forced - I didn't want to get myself sick or my family sick. So, I've have been pretty much stuck at home this summer because of other people's choices. Other people's choices have totally affected my life and it hasn't been fair at all. But now that there are finally mask mandates in a number of stores, maybe I can try to venture out a bit more.

And I am going to end with this. I am horrified at how the Tr@mp administration is trying to discredit Dr. Fauc! now - simply because Fauc! doesn't give Tr@mp the information he wants to hear. But no matter what is said about him, Fauc! always manages to stay calm and classy, holds his temper and doesn't let what is thrown at him get his goat...

#istandwithfauci

The man has served six presidents - both republicans and democrats. It's not about politics for him.

Look - pandemics are cruel and horrible and scary and soul crushing and unpredictable. There are major learning curves when it comes to understanding a new virus. A virus (obviously) doesn't go away by ignoring it. Covid19 is new, REAL, damaging and sometimes deadly - just ask my high school friend who lost her mom to it a week ago.

Well, that's it. I'm very sad but solid in the decision about Bri going to school virtually. And believe me, I know that I am lucky to have the ability and resources to keep Bri at home. Not everyone has that privilege. Doug keeps reminding me this is just a moment in time, a "blip" in life. Things will get better eventually. We just have to live through it. I honestly hope so. The world is so dang nasty, mean and super selfish right now - I'm just not sure how we'll ever come back from this.

I'm blessed to have Doug and Bri and Mei in my life. They keep me going each and every day.

Try to have a good week everyone. In these times, I know it is difficult.

17 Weeks Behind Us

Seventeen.

17 weeks behind us since coronavirus hit Georgia.

It feels like 17 weeks. It feels like forever.

As you know, one fun thing we did last week was our "July 4th" photo shoot with friends Imerie and Mary...

I'm so grateful we were able to get that accomplished this year.

And yesterday, I finally took the 10ft x 6ft inflatable pool out of the box that I bought months ago to put on my back patio. I just hadn't been feeling well enough this summer to do it. Bri and I thought a quiet Sunday would be perfect to give it a try. A big thank you to my hubby getting it all set up for us. We had such a nice and quiet afternoon. We chatted, relaxed, listened to music and kept nice and cool. Here we are...

Other than than, our family hasn't done all that much. Last week, Doug worked and also cleaned out our basement. Bri played a lot of online games with friends and her cousins. I had a couple of appointments I needed to go to, including a cleaning at my dentist. But other than that, it's been super quiet.

The good news is that I think my ear is finally on the mend. It's not perfect, but a week ago, it started to finally unblock after six days of steroids. I still have some humming and a little pressure, but it I feel like things are going in the right direction. I have to admit - that month of feeling like I had a finger lodged in my ear canal 24/7 during a pandemic was very, very tough for me. I felt like crap mentally and physically. And on top of all that, the county I live announced parents had exactly one week to decide what school choice we wanted for our children - online verses face to face. And we were told to make that important decision with no solid information at all so they could keep the August 3 start date. So this has been a really great time (insert sarcasm).

Ok, this is the part of the post that I always warn you about. When I start to express my feelings about things going on in the world. Proceed with caution...

To be honest, I usually write these posts with a bit of frustration. Today, I am writing completely exhausted. My brain is tired. I'm tired of trying to explain why it's important to social distance and wear a mask. I'm tired of explaining why people should not be living life "like everything is normal." There is nothing - NOTHING - normal about what is going on in the world right now.

4,484 new cases in one day in Georgia on July 10...

K@mp is now having to reactivate the Atlanta Convention Center as a hospital because the cases are going up so quickly due people refusing to social distance and wear masks (and numbers did not go up because of the protests)...

Georgia to reactivate makeshift hospital at Atlanta convention center

After seeing this steady increase in numbers and knowing that coronavirus is definitely in my neighborhood and the surrounding neighborhoods that feed into Bri's school district, she will be attending the virtual online academy for the first semester of her freshman year (possible the whole year). We have the ability to do it, so we are. We haven't worked this hard being so careful to blow it by sending her to an overcrowded public high school that has no real plan for social distancing and will not require mask use.  It is a sad and scary choice, but it's the safe one for now.

And someone posted this on one of the school FB pages too. It's regarding notifying parents of coronavirus...

I'm not 100% sure if this is true. But if there is any ounce of truth to it, I'm not putting my kid in that situation. As stressful as virtual learning may be, Bri going to school each day not knowing if she is being exposed would be 1000 times more stressful for all of us. And if the school is forced to shut down due to an outbreak, my kid won't have to have her life blown up again.

My county couldn't even make the correct call back in December 2017 about sending kids to school during yet another snowstorm after we had already gone through Snowmaggedon in 2014. I made an executive decision not send Bri to school that day, but a lot of other parents did because the county didn't close. Once again, school closed early due to crazy snowfall, parents ran to school in a panic and buses got stuck getting kids home. So, I'm definitely making my own decision about sending my kid to school during a worldwide pandemic.

Bri has a couple of friends who have made the same decision we have, so that is comforting. We might be able to figure out some study dates and time for them to hang out.

I was watching the news the other day and there was a report about how other countries have slowly and safely started sending kids back to school. And I thought - how?

Then I saw this...

The reason that the U.S. is number 1 in cases and deaths of coronavirus is because of attitude. Attitude that this is "just the flu." Attitudes against wearing masks. Attitudes of our leaders. Plain and simple.

US Deaths...

137+K dead in America from coronavirus - since January. It's only July. And I had a friend from high school just post on FB that her mom passed from Covid on Saturday. Alone in the hospital - no family allowed to surround her. Heartbreaking. Just let that sink in.

And this number doesn't include all the people who survived covid and are now dealing with the long term, horrible effects of having the virus.

I saw this meme and it really hit home for me...

It expresses how I am feeling to a tee.

I want my life to go back to normal. I am desperate for it. But I know I can't right now. I will keep on keeping on, even if it is draining the heck out of me.

So, that is it. That's what is going on right now.

I'm nervous about getting too excited about my ear feeling better, so I am being cautiously optimistic. If I can just feel better physically, then I know I can push through mentally.

We have three weeks left before school starts back up. I need to try to make the most of it for Bri. I'm upset I got sick for a month (after all my tonsil stuff), but I have to try to shake that off. Now I've got to come up with some things to do with her before she starts high school (virtually).

I'll be back next week. Hopefully I'll have some interesting stuff to talk about. Thanks for reading.

4th Of July Photo Shoot (2020)

Sweet, sweet forever friends!!

Every year around the 4th of July, my friends Amy, Valerie and I get our families together to celebrate and I take pictures of our girls  (Mary, Briana and Imerie) in matching patriotic outfits. This year, Doug, Bri and I weren't able to join in the annual July 4th gathering due to the pandemic, and I was so worried I wasn't going to be able to take photos of the girls this year. Well, we made it happen anyway (a few days late)! I did the shoot "social distance style," and the pictures turned out really good! I'm so happy we were able to continue our wonderful tradition!

This was our 7th year having the girls dress alike. They are all teenagers now, and somehow they are still cool with doing this photo shoot. You don't know how thrilled this makes me. :)

They are getting so grown up...

Social distancing!!!

Here are the girls over the years...

I know I am biased, but I think they are all just breathtaking. Three miracles from across the ocean. It is such a blessing the girls have each other, and we (parents) are so lucky to be able to raise them and watch them grow into amazing young ladies.