Mental Health Break

So, I need to step back a bit from the information flow constantly going to my brain regarding the state of the nation.

Yes, the nation is on fire and there isn't any putting out of that fire anytime soon. I didn't choose to start the fire along with a lot of other people, but unfortunately the fire is burning out of control. Gasoline keeps getting thrown onto it and we all know why.

 

The inmates are running the asylum.

I have mentioned before that I have an issue with the need to be informed. It probably ties in closely with the fact that I have big time anxiety and I have a need to feel in control of things. Information consumption is one of those things that allows me to feel "somewhat" in control.

 

There is also a sense of guilt that I feel when I am not consuming important news/information. The horrible things that this adm!nistration is doing to marginalized groups - people of color, legal and illegal immigrants, people on the spectrum, transgender people, gays and lesbians, senior citizens, veterans, non-Christians, women, etc - these groups cannot tune out what is going on. What is going on is deeply affecting them on a daily basis and they don't have the luxury of being able to take a "break" from anything.

But, I do have the privilege and ability to tune some of this negativity out (even though I am a woman, but I am a white woman). I understand that privilege.

All this hateful information absorption is starting to greatly affect me. And with my current health issues, I cannot keep on like this. I need to tune some of this out for a while. It may not be fair, but I have to. I need to put the air mask on my mouth for a while before I can help anyone else.

 

I have a difficult time posting on social media happy, upbeat, kumbaya type things when I know the state of the country is so heavy. Everything else seems so trivial - because it is. And when some sort of injustice happens, I have a knee-jerk reaction to post/point it out because it is just so freaking wrong. I want to yell it from the rooftops.

And it isn't like I am going to completely stop doing any of that anymore. I just need to slow it down greatly and take a beat - or I will start to go insane (even more insane).

So if I quiet down here a bit regarding the horrible things happening right now in the country or if I focus my content on social media a bit more to more uplifting things, it doesn't mean I have caved in any way, shape or form on how much I hate how bad things are right now. I will still be angry and I will continue to be disappointed in a lot of people. Keep in mind that I know right from wrong and I will always side with and fight for the little guy. I just need to put my mental health first for just a little while. I am so sorry that so many don't have the ability to do that.

 

 I will be back soon with an update on the month of April. I will focus on the good stuff. 

I know my blog views will go down at that point. When I write something intense, upsetting or controversial, the views go up. If I just talk about my life and family, views go down. It is a shame that a number of people rather read about my frustrations rather than my happy moments.

I guess that is just human nature.

Thank you in advance to the people who will continue to read about my normal (sort of) life. Be back soon.

I'm Not Doing So Great

I have to be honest - I'm not doing so great. Life is overwhelming and I am kind of drowning right now.

I am overwhelmed in my personal life and with the state of the world.

I am not feeling great physically. On one positive note, my heel is actually doing much better. But all of the inactivity that I was forced to do at the end of last year has resulted in other things happening with my body. And now, I am unfortunately looking at another possible surgery to fix those things. I don't want to get into specifics, but it is upsetting. The thought of having another surgery after an already intense one is almost too much for me to process...

 

So I am dealing with that. 

 

There is also some other personal stuff going on in my life (not having do with Doug or Briana) that I can't talk about here. But let's just say it is life-affecting.

 

On the political front and state of the world, I will say that I am still very angry. That isn't strong enough word actually. 

 

Enraged is a better word for it.

I was first in line to admit that B!den was toast last year. Total decline. He could never have swung another 4 years at his age. I knew he should not be running in the last elect!on. I was happy he dropped out. But the other side...people looked at a 78 year old, dementia-ridden, criminally-convicted hate clown and said "Yep, that's the guy."

How???? Look at this buffoon. How could anyone think "THIS is THE guy to run it all freaking AGAIN"...

Our country is a laughing stock to the rest of the world. It is horrifyingly embarrassing.

This is literally how Dump answered a simple question the other day (actually READ it)...

He's always been intensely stupid, but this is next level.

And now he is getting increasingly dangerous. He was extremely dangerous before, but now he's even more so. Deport!ng people illegally, purposely manipulating the st@ck market, defying the Supreme Court, spending millions upon millions of taxpayer money for personal recreation, creating tarr!ff wars and fighting with our allies and invoking and emboldening more hatred than ever before. And I'm not just saying that - there are so many receipts. SO MANY.

Doug and I were driving down the street today and I saw this sign plastered on a small crappy used car dealership about 10 minutes from my house...

I saw it and felt physically ill. Once Briana is out of college, the housing market isn't complete crap and hopefully the a-hole is out of office, Doug and I will be going find a place that reflects our value system because it most certainly ain't here.

I am seeing now that a small percentage of people on the right are sort of slowly coming to their senses or are having some sort of remorse on their vot!ng decision (FAFO). But honestly, it only happened because it finally affected them personally. It is too freaking little and too freaking late. I said before the orange nightmare was elected that he would have no guardrails (no adults in the room) - and he doesn't. Just a bunch of rump-kissers. And pretty much everyone who I am connected to who voted for this has been completely silent about what is going on.

 

 People who voted for this and are hearing what is going on now (or not hearing it based on turning of the head or due to the propaganda they decide to follow) are either making a conscious decision to be willfully uninformed, are quietly regretting their decision or are sitting back and enjoying all the hate and chaos.

I will never stay quiet about any of this. It is too important...

Half this nation agreed that voting for an old 34 time conv!cted felon who led an insurrect!on was a better choice in November than a younger, experienced, highly educated black woman. It truly makes my heart sick.

 

Speaking of the insurrect!on, anyone remember all the people who screamed "Ant!fa" when the 

insurrect!on first happened? M@ga saying it loudly with an arrogant, puffed chest? They were lying and brainwashed. Obviously it wasn't Ant!fa because Dump p@rdoned all of those people in January - his supporters - after they bashed heads in and destroyed the Capit@l. So what happened to all those supposed Ant!fa people? They didn't freaking exist. Proof the narrative changes over and over and over again to defend one freaking wannabe d!ctator.

 

I am scared for my daughter - for a number of reasons. I don't trust anyone in this administration now. She has already had her decision-making ability over her own body stripped away. What else is next?

 

 It's only been 4 months. 4 horrid months. I don't know how to hold on for 4 years of this insanity. 

 

So yeah, I'm mad. And I don't feel good. And I am exhausted. And I am sad.

 

 So that is my update. Hoping I will be in a better frame of mind the next time I post. Time will tell.

All About March

I can't believe March came and went already. It was a rough one for me - I'm still having health issues. But, I won't focus on any of that or the state of the country in this post. This post will be just the good stuff that happened in March.

Doug and I got to see Briana quite a bit in March - which made my heart super happy. Life feels more "normal" when she is home, though I know that life for me (and Doug) from this point on is just different now, I need more time to adjust to it and her being home will be segmented.

At the beginning of March, Briana went on a Friday morning field trip for one of her classes to the Michael C. Carlos Museum at Emory (with a couple friends). She then went to the SCAD Fashion Museum that afternoon...

 

 

That weekend, Doug and I were missing our girl so we went down Atlanta to bring her to lunch to a restaurant called "Brush." The food was SO good...

A few days later, Briana went indoor rock climbing with her friends (Bri has a membership)...

Fast forward to that Friday, and Briana's winter quarter was complete and she came home for spring break. We decided to staycation - Bri wanted to spend time with her friends, get some appointments taken care of and hang out at home with me, Doug and Mei (but mostly Mei)...

We celebrated St. Patrick's Day that week - I made corned beef and cabbage...

We celebrated our friend Kai's 50th birthday on Friday night of that week - Bri's bestie Meredith was able to come home from college for the dinner and Bri was already home, so it was a very nice get together...

As you know Briana loves to crochet and she is also learning how to knit. There was a store she had been really wanting to visit, so she and I went there while she was home. She was in heaven...

While she was home, I made some over her favorite dinners (Doug air fried the wings though)...

Spring break went by much too quickly, and then it was time to get back to reality. That included getting a very much needed new roof on our house (which only took one day to do - so fast!)...

Back at school, Briana went to a school-organized karaoke event with her friends (and my introverted girl actually got up there and sang!)...

Briana still enjoys sending us pictures of the food she gets at school (we get to see what we are paying for - LOL!)...

She gets an assortment of things - pizza, sandwiches, chicken, burgers, seafood, pasta, tacos, veggies. She is not a fan of the salads there (she says the salads taste weird), so she avoids them now. But girlfriend is eating quite well.

Even though Bri had been home for spring break, she realized she still needed to get a few things from home to bring back to school, so she came home the following weekend. Because of the snow that happened back in January, we weren't able to go to Doug's special birthday dinner - which made us all sad. So, we decided to visit the restaurant while Bri was home...

We had lobster bites, steaks, pasta, broccolini and a cookie skillet - everything was amazing.

And now Briana is back at school again. We hope to see her on Easter weekend (depends on how much classwork she has).

I had mentioned in a previous post that some social drama had been happening with Bri at school - luckily things got rectified and life is more calm and peaceful now for my girl who doesn't do drama. 

The last few days, Briana has been a busy gal - being all social and stuff. It is really cool to see her branching out. I still can't believe sometimes my girl is a college girl now.

As for me and Doug - Doug did have a business trip to Seattle that he went on in March. And me - I am still doing PT and going to a ton of doctor's appointments/tests and have health things going on. Again, I don't have anything terminal, but it is very life-disrupting and I don't feel comfortable in my own skin right now. But I will touch on some of that in my next post.

Thanks for reading!