September 13, 2021

78 Weeks Behind Us (Yes Another Update)

 78.
 
78 weeks since coronavirus hit the state of Georgia full force.
 
I stopped counting the weeks on this blog in June. I realize now I probably shouldn't have stopped counting.
 
For some of you, this might be a "here she goes again" post. And you are not wrong - it pretty much is that kind of post. Yes, I do sound a bit like a broken record. I am definitely talking about this pandemic once again - sadly. My frustration level is starting to bubble up again and writing down my thoughts helps. The pandemic is still very much a substantial part of my life and I can't ignore that.

Yes, I'm still quite angry. Yes, I am really tired. Yes, I am very disappointed. Yes, I am quite disheartened.

There was a glimmer of hope in the summer when the pandemic quieted down a bit. I actually took my mask off more often. I went on a vacation. I thought maybe, just maybe, there was going to be some sort of end to this. The delta variant squashed that bit of hope pretty quickly. I am kind of angry at myself for letting my guard down, but I realize that is silly. I am vaccinated, so I do have a layer of protection from this and I don't feel as nervous going places now as I did before I had the vaccine.
 
I won't go back to doing weekly updates because it's just too depressing. But, I've decided to do this one "vent" post to get things off my chest - cause it's been a little while. And it is kind of funny to think about people I disconnected from on social media who said all this covid talk would stop last November around election time. I stated how ridiculous that was - and it totally was. A lot of things I have said this past year and a half have been pretty spot on. Honestly, I wish I didn't need to write another post like this - not with vaccine readily available in the states. But, here I am.

Look at this graph for GA...

In Georgia, numbers are just as bad now as they were back in the winter. How is this even possible when there is a vaccine? I look at this and just feel sick. Why can people take advice from actual experts? Listen to doctor and nurse friends tirelessly working in covid units and ICUs?
 
Personally...I watched a FB friend for a number of weeks (Bri's former preschool director) battle covid - go on a vent in the hospital and miraculously come off of it too - alive. It was not an easy journey for her at all, but she is coming back from it. She has a long road ahead of her, but she is doing well and is a fighter for sure. I have observed too many covid survivors become "long haulers." I have seen too many children become really sick lately. I have witnessed so many friends and acquaintances lose relatives and friends to this virus. I'm 48 years old and I have never in my life seen the amount of loss caused by one virus. This is not like bird flu, SARS or H1N1 - the scale of this is so much worse. Over 660K people have died in the U.S. alone from this virus since the beginning of this pandemic...
 
Those who act like they are not seeing the loss happening around them or proclaim to have not been touched by it in some way are purposely ignoring what is happening or they are lying to themselves and everyone around them.
 
A lot of people in my neck of the woods are still refusing to get vaccinated and refusing to have their kids vaccinated (the ones who are eligible), so this delta variant is pretty much everywhere around here now. Those who refuse to get vaccinated also refuse to wear a mask. It's unreal.

There is a GA woman on FB (a relative of a FB connection of mine) who has a brother in MS who has been on a ventilator for almost a month now due to covid and he is not improving (she makes her posts on FB public, so I can see them). No doubt her brother is unvaccinated. If he had been, he most likely could have avoided this. Yet still, this woman has a frame on her FB profile pic saying no to the vaccine, that she trusts her immune system and it's her body, her choice (which I'm pretty positive is only regarding the vaccine and not women's rights). How can she still subscribe to this thought process now when her brother is so very sick and possibly dying? Because there are propaganda-filled forces telling her the opposite of the truth and she is blindly believing it...
 
It's difficult to challenge or educate those who are so belligerent...

And for those attacking F@uci...
  
Sometimes truth is very difficult to accept I guess...

 I just wish people remembered this...

To give you all a bit of perspective about how Georgia is doing with all of this delta variant stuff...


ICU's are almost completely full here. Look at the southeast verses everywhere else.

I pray no one in my family gets super sick with something other than covid because there probably won't be a hospital bed readily available at this time.

**********************

As you all know, Bri is back in school. She went the first couple of weeks without a mask hoping the vaccine alone would be good enough, but the daily covid numbers at the school started creeping up (we had 20 cases reported in ONE day at her school alone, and I can pretty much guarantee not everyone reports being sick). When that started happening, B voluntarily chose to put her mask on, even though she is vaccinated. Very, very few kids are wearing masks to her school. And we are quite confident that a LOT of students aren't vaccinated either. So, B puts a mask on each day now for an extra layer of protection and doesn't really think about it - which is a blessing. I am very proud of how confident she has been about all of this. I am not sure I would have felt the same way at her age.

 Right before she put her mask on at school, she unknowingly passed a head cold to me and Doug (she felt bad it happened, but we told her not to stress at all about it). She had a runny nose for a couple of days, so we figured it was just allergies because she never felt sick (I gave her a home covid test at the time anyway to be on the safe side - it was negative). Doug and I then got sick a few days after that around the same time. We then realized she did probably have a cold ("regular stuff" is obviously still out there). Doug was just a bit stuffy and a little worn down with it. Me - I was out of commission for about 5 days. I took several home covid tests during my sickness and all were negative. 

But this is why I am still nervous about covid. My immune system has already already proven many times that it is not the strongest - even when I was young, I came down with some really unusual things. Whatever comes through our house, I always get hit the worst. Covid would probably hit me super hard - even vaccinated.

 Bri luckily had put her mask on in the nick of time when a kid sitting right next to her in culinary class came down with covid about three weeks ago. And a kid at the next table (who had been coughing for days according to B) had it too. After only 4 weeks of going to school, Bri got the "close contact" notification.

I have been updating on FB about it...

Bri was summoned out of her American Lit class and sent to the vice principal's office. The vp notified her about the close contact, but he would not reveal to her which student was sick or what class caused the close contact. He then called me with her in the office to give me "options" about how Bri could continue with her schooling - asking me if she needed to go home or go back to class. Told me the "supposed" covid rules we had to follow. I told him she is vaccinated and she's already masking, so just send her back to class. I said she would continue to mask.

I told Bri she would be easily able to figure out where the close contact happened because of kids quarantining and wearing masks the next day around her. And that's exactly how she figured it out.

 The notification that day was an overblown "production" to make it "look" like the school administration is doing "something" about covid spread when they actually aren't doing much of anything at all. It still makes me angry to think about what they put B through that day. Really for nothing...

I definitely have moments of regret and question if we made the right decision regarding Bri going to this particular school...
 
But somehow overall, Bri still seems happy enough despite all the hubbub going on around her at school. She's getting good grades, she likes her teachers and her classes, she's talking to kids at school. For that, I am happy. So, I am trying to be ok with our decision. I'll just keep hoping and praying we don't get sick again (with covid or anything else).

*********************************
 
I also continue to deal with being in the minority when it comes to a number of issues where I live. I am still struggling mentally/emotionally with it for sure. But, I am here for the time-being, and I just have to deal with it.

 I wrote this on FB couple of weeks ago...


I do need this pandemic to end.
 
I am still shocked by the fact that vaccines scare people but unproven treatments are ingested like it's no big deal...
 

Actually posted on FB by Bri's pediatric office...

I know people might see me as a "downer" or a pessimist. I have admitted more than once that I am more of a "half-glass empty" type person. I have sadly had a lot of hits in my life that have contributed to that. But, I'd like to start thinking maybe I am really more of a realist than a pessimist...


It's not like I am never optimistic. If I was a total pessimist, I wouldn't have Briana in my life. I went through six years of struggle trying to build my family. If I never had any hope at all, I would have given up back then, but I didn't. I kept going somehow and brought my daughter home. 
 
I hope for the best and prepare for the worst. It's just how I am wired.

And just know, I will never agree to disagree when it comes to this pandemic. There is a right side and a wrong one. I'm usually a person who tries to see both sides of things. Trying to look at someone else's perspective. But when it comes to this, I just don't see two sides...

I have a couple last things to put out there...

And...

My next post will be a post about how I am trying to figure out how to get through the rest of this pandemic safely and sanely from this point on. I need to focus on self care and work on finding a happy place. Feeling this frustrated and overwhelmed this often isn't good for me - I need to fix it. For me, this all feels very traumatic. It will be difficult trying to recover from these last 18 months - since I'm still dealing with the pandemic (as is everyone else), I'm learning to accept and move on from severed and broken relationships, I'm trying to navigate very fragile and bruised relationships, all while dealing with health anxiety that transpired way before the pandemic hit - but, I am going to find a way. I will be left with a few scars from this - no doubt.

 It's going to be a journey, but I'm ready for it.

September 11, 2021

9/11 - 20 Years Later

Anyone old enough to remember that horrible day 20 years ago will remember exactly where they were  and exactly what they were doing when the attacks happened.

Including me.

This was my story...

http://waitingforbriana.blogspot.com/2008/09/always-remembera.html

 It is so difficult to believe it's been 20 years since that devastating day.

 For me, and everyone in the U.S., the nation changed that day. It triggered a different way of living. It gave us a different viewpoint of the world. We had to adapt to a new way of life. There was a pre-9/11 world and a post-9/11 world. So much changed due to one horrible day.

Visiting the NY memorial two years ago we very sad, stoic and humbling... 


After Sept 11, 2001, the nation came together to remember, to mourn, to grieve, to fight as one.

It is heartbreaking that 20 years later, due to such a toxic political environment and a life-changing pandemic, the nation is more divided than ever. Instead of people coming together for the greater good and trying to tackle a problem as one like we did 20 years ago, we are fighting each other instead.

I am not sure America will ever heal completely from these last few years. I am not sure I will ever completely heal from these last few years. I hope it does. I hope I can.

I wish September 11th had never happened. So many lives destroyed and altered that day. But sadly it did, and I hope one day we get back to that September 12th spirit of togetherness and camaraderie.

I can only hope.


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