How I Am Feeling

 I will post an update soon about how my health is going and also do an update about our March (including Briana coming home for spring break).

I just don't feel like blogging right now. I don't feel like doing a lot of things right now. I feel like I am going through the motions of life.

 I have moments of happiness, but my overall mental state is on the depressive side. Between my health and the state of the country, how could I not be?

   This video above reflects exactly how I am feeling. No one and I mean NO ONE should be feeling like everything that is going on is good or normal. So many people I know are silent, so I don't even know their thoughts on anything. So if you don't care about the chaos that is going on or think this is all ok, disconnect from me right now. I mean it. 

  I do worry that I am starting to develop a feeling of anhedonia (the inability to experience joy or pleasure. You may feel numb or less interested in things that you once enjoyed). I don't think I have full blown anhedonia, but I do realize that some things I once enjoyed, I just don't now. It could be due to aging, my chronic illness, the state of the country or a little bit of everything.

 This is what I stated on FB...

  "Oh my gosh – she hits the nail in the head. This is EXACTLY how I’m feeling and so many others - it’s how everyone should be feeling. If you’re not, then something is wrong. Nothing about what is going on in this country right now is normal or sane. We should not be living in this sort of chaotic hellscape every single day. It is damaging mental health. Doing normal things like going out to meals or going on vacations or just enjoying regular life – it seems/feels inappropriate somehow and/or wrong. Because doing all of these things during a war and authoritarian takeover isn’t right. You know? Every day, I am infuriated and fearful. Scared that this administration is so beyond incompetent and also scared that there are people out there that are in supportive of it and/or putting their head in the sand about it."

 So watch the video. I often say the exact same things she says. I am trying to keep my head above water, but it is really difficult sometimes.

 Be back soon. When I feel the urge to share.