I am not even sure who reads this blog anymore. People in my social media circle aren't engaging on social media as much anymore. I believe people are still watching lots of tiktoks and reels - but they are not posting and/or commenting about real life as much nowadays.
I am still struggling. But what else is new? I think with chronic illness, you just have to realize this is your normal. You will never feel great. You just do the best you can. And that sucks - it's depressing.
The last time I wrote about my health, I said that I was experiencing an acid reflux attack. I actually think I was using the wrong term. Every time I eat (and often when I haven't eaten yet) my stomach starts to squeeze (like indigestion). I have a lot of pressure right under my ribs in my stomach and it is so uncomfortable. It can last minutes to hours to all day.
15 years ago, I was diagnosed with a mild case of gastroparesis (after going through a gastric emptying study) - and these are the same symptoms. Gastroparesis is a slowing of the digesting of the stomach. I suffered for 5 months with these symptoms back in 2011. Since I hadn't had symptoms of gastroparesis in many years when I experienced my heartburn/acid reflux attack in 2024 (from taking too much anti-inflammatory medication), both my GI doctor and I thought maybe I had been misdiagnosed with gastroparesis. Well now, we are thinking I may not have been misdiagnosed.
I started my elimination diet at the beginning of January. For four weeks, I did everything right. My joints stopped hurting, my energy was up and I was sleeping better (and all of that is still true). It was HARD to do. I even lost 15 pounds. But, my stomach seized up the day before reintroducing any eliminated foods. Devastating isn't even a strong enough word for how I felt/feel.
I think the diet change (adding in more protein, fiber, acidic foods) plus taking a large number of supplements triggered this flare up. These foods and supplements made my gut work harder. I already know I have vagus nerve issues, and that is what controls the stomach. Even feeling like this, I made the executive decision to bring back in some of my eliminated foods for my mental health - since that is important too.
I have now been dealing with this episode for almost a month. I have talked with my functional medicine doctor twice now and she dramatically scaled back my supplements and we talked about possible trigger foods. She said everything I had been doing should have been making me feel better. I told her - I am the anomaly. Always the anomaly.
I saw my gastro doctor on Wednesday and she wants me to take a breath test (to check for bacterial overgrowth) and do another gastric emptying study. She also gave me some meds that can help with the squeezing, but they can also slow your gut motility, so I don't know if I want to take them.
I am so frustrated.
The health system here in the states is BROKEN. It is so horrible. Ridiculously expensive. If anyone bitches about universal healthcare in other countries, just know I want to punch you in the mouth. If you get really sick in the states, you are screwed - unless your a some sort of billionaire. You pay into the system and then your insurance refuses to pay back out. You will go bankrupt if you get very, very ill. Dealing with insurance is like beating your head against the wall.
I just tried to set up my gastric emptying study, but I was told by the scheduling department today that the orders wouldn't even be PROCESSED in the system until Monday. I saw my doctor on WEDNESDAY morning. Who knows how long it will be before I can get the study done or how much it will cost. And the gastro office gave me a breath test kit to take home that costs $700. I hope it would go toward my deductible, but I don't trust Aetna. So I refuse to take it now. My functional doctor can get a similar test for me out of pocket for half that price - which is still stupid expensive. The hoops I have to jump through to try to get my brand name Synthroid paid for is criminal. I am so tired of all of this.
I don't see America being great - for SO many reasons. My grocery bill is high. My medical bills are high. My medications are high. My blood pressure is now high.
And when you try to eat healthier and be healthier - that makes it even more expensive.
I thought I would post today pictures of the meals I have been making and the foods I have introduced back in to my diet. I've been pretty proud of what I have been doing. But, I don't feel like it right now. I will do a post on that next time.
I am tired of trying to help myself and pretty much every single time, things backfire. Again, I am swimming in an ocean with waves that keep pushing me back under water for some reason.
I know Dory says "just keep swimming." I am tired though. I desperately want to float for a while.
I haven't spoken out politically here really in a long time. Things are festering inside of me - and though I vent a lot on social media - I haven't said anything too much on here. Specifically anyway.
I will go back to my scheduled programming momentarily.
I am struggling a lot with my health. I will get into that later, but I know that the state of this country is part of the reason why I am sick. Many of those who care about me often tell me that I need to step back from consuming so much of what is going on. I believe me I want to so badly. But every time I turn around, there is another horrific news story coming from this administration.
The fact that this administration is covering up a pedoph!le ring is absolutely horrifying to me. The fact that our putrid leader is a gigantic part of that ring is beyond abhorrent. I remember people screaming about a ped!philia ring many years ago - and now - those people are silent. They were correct about one thing - it definitely existed. The thing they were wrong about - it wasn't just the left involved. It was everyone and anyone with money and power. Where is the screaming now - now that it is your guy?
Believe me - I am critical of both sides of the aisle. This is what I just posted on social media...
"I
am very, very, very unhappy with a majority of the leaders in the Democr@tic party. Most are still bought and paid for by Super PACS and
corporations. Schumer, Jeffries, Booker and so many others - they aren't
mad enough. They aren't pushing back or fighting hard enough. Biden
didn't fight hard enough when he had the chance. Merritt Garland was an
abject failure and Biden made a horrible choice. I am still angry that
Biden's ego wouldn't allow him to not run for a second term. The dems
finally had to force the issue to get him out, but unfortunately, too
many in this country will never vote for an experienced black/biracial
woman to be in charge. This pedoph!le protecting administration is so
corrupt and morally bankrupt, and the dems representing us need to be
throwing everything they can at it - just to make things much more
difficult. Playing the old types of politics isn't working anymore.
I
will never ever ever ever vote Republ!can again in my lifetime after all
of this. I hope that those who are speaking up, speaking out and
fighting hard - like Ro Khanna, Jasmine Crockett, AOC, Bernie Sanders,
James Talarico, Jamie Raskin, Melanie Stansbury, JB Pritzker, Mark Kelly
- even Thomas Massie and others - will continue to speak out and rise
in the ranks of their parties. Every day I wake up knowing a pedoph!le,
grifter and felon - who has hardcore dementia and had a stroke (which
has been covered up) - is in charge. I am infuriated about the voter
interference that this administration has already committed regarding
the 2026 elect!on. They know they are in ginormous trouble, so they are
already trying to cheat to win. I really want to tune all of this
political stuff out, but I can't. It is just one thing after the other
after the other. And it is exhausting. This country is off the rails and
it is terrifying. If you aren't nervous living here, then you aren't
paying attention, you are very rich and/or you are getting your info
from the wrong places. Even though I am unhappy and hope for better, I
am still going to vote against MAG@ - no matter what. We just need a
complete political overhaul of the system and we need stomp out this
fasc!sm."
I just wish the people who realize now that they made a mistake voting for this would just admit to it. Some out there finally are - but not enough of them. And if you don't think you made a mistake, you can just disconnect from me right now. Anyone with half a brain can see that the guy at the top is completely losing it - and he didn't have much to begin with. And I said the worst of the absolute worst - people with zero qualifications - would be chosen to work for him and prop him up - and that has definitely happened.
I will never understand the devotion. Ever. That is why people call this a cu!t. If I can criticize the political environment as a whole (which is my right - for now anyways), why can't you? It is insane. I think that is why I am so angry. The sickening devotion to someone with no moral compass whatsoever. He only cares about himself - how did people not see that?
So that is where I am right now. Sick and mad. Sick and tired. Sick and frustrated. Sick and embarrassed. Just sick.
I'll be back soon with a post about my health situation.
My girl is coming home in a few days and that makes me happy.
I'm still not feeling great. My stomach is a mess. I'm still on my elimination diet, but I am bringing some foods back in anyway for my mental health - trying to live some life again despite how I feel.
SCAD TVFest had a terrific lineup again this year. They had actors visiting from The Pitt, Abbott Elementary and Bridgerton. Jeff Probst was there. Young rising actors and actresses there. I found out that Chili and Matthew Lawrence made a surprise appearance. It is really cool.
(A few of the pictures I am posting I snagged from SCAD/the internet. You'll be able to tell which ones I didn't take.)
The fest starts on Wednesday and goes for three days. Doug and I always land there on the last day (Friday). But with Bri being a student there, she can attend whichever events she chooses. The professors encourage the kids to go to the panels/talks.
Earlier in the week, B attended the panel for "Deli Boys." She screened one of the episodes and she said the panel was hilarious. It stars Saagar Shaikh (from Ms. Marvel) and Asif Ali (from WandaVision)...
She also saw the Q&A for The Great American Baking Show and Celebrity Big Game. She saw hosts Andrew Rannells (huge Broadway star) and Casey Wilson (from SNL and Georgie and Mandy's First Marriage)...
On Friday, our first screening and Q&A was for the new Prime show called "56 Days." It stars Dove Cameron (from Liv and Maddie, The Descendants and Schmigadoon!), Avan Jogia (from Victorious and Orphan Black: Echos), Karla Souza (from Home Economics) and Dorian Missick (from Two Weeks Notice and Luke Cage)...
We watched the first episode (it was spicy!) and it was really good. I will definitely be watching it when it comes out.
It is so crazy seeing a former Disney kid actor and a former Nickelodeon kid actor thriving in grown up roles now.
Some photos and videos...
When the Q&A ended, we left the auditorium. It was still 90 minutes until the Abbott Elementary screening and award ceremony for Quinta Brunson.
Now, this is where things get a bit crazy. SCAD didn't have the stuff together at all when it came to how to line everyone up for the Abbott Elementary screening/award/Q&A. Pandemonium is a good word to use. Doug, Bri and I hopped in the line (we were standing on the stairs between the 2nd and 3rd floors), but then we were told to get out of line and go to the 1st floor to get a "green card." Doug stayed put to keep our place while Bri and I tried to figure it all out. I talked to 6 different people who didn't know anything and kept pushing me and Bri from place to place. Then one SCAD female staffer started telling us to go outside after I had already talked to 6 different people - that is when I lost my cool. I told her I was NOT going outside. I had been tossed around and around and I was staying put. She was like "alright, alright" and didn't make us leave. Right after that, a male staffer came along said if we had a pass (which I did), we were allowed to get back in line upstairs and could get a card. Since Bri was with me, she could go with me. After 10 minutes of chaos, I got my dang cards for me and Bri. And guess who got a card as he stayed in the line - yep - Doug. Ugh! Thank goodness I didn't go outside because I wouldn't have heard that announcement to get back in line. It was just crazy.
We get into the auditorium and found great seats. We had an hour to wait still. The place was packed. But there was a really cool buzz in the air...
There were 4 "reserved" seats next to me and they ended up being filled right before the presentation started. I don't know who these people were, but I guess they were important either to the school or the show.
The announcer came on stage and welcomed everyone.
And then the announcer said that "THE Barbara Howard" was there to give Quinta her award. Yes - Sheryl Lee Ralph surprised everyone there. When she came out, the room went BERSERK. We had absolutely no idea. I don't get star struck very often, but I was in that moment. She is legendary. The woman next to me said to me "no one had any idea she was here." I have no idea if this woman had known or not, but she was one of the "reserved" people. Maybe so? I told her I said to myself "Queen! Queen!" Because she really is. 50 years in the business - it's unreal...
She went to the podium and she was amazing...
Introducing Quinta...
Accepting her award...
Quinta speaking...
We watched a funny episode of Abbott (we had already seen it - we are obviously big fans).
Then there was a question and answer session...
These woman are two of the most driven, intelligent, creative, well-spoken people I have ever been in a room with...
Sheryl Lee Ralph brought it...
When it was over, Doug, Bri and I decided to leave right before they took the pic with the audience. We were to the side, so we wouldn't have made it in the picture anyway...
What an amazing experience!
Doug and I brought Briana back to the hotel with us to have some dinner.
This is what Bri and Doug ate (I will address what I ate later)...
We watched a bit of the opening ceremony for the Olympics...
Doug drove Bri back to her dorm and around lunchtime the next morning, we picked her up again to have some lunch with her...
We chose Papi's in midtown this time because this chain is still a safe place for me to eat right now...
And then we took Bri back to school.
There is a lot of construction around SCAD (there has been for a while), so traffic around the school was absolutely horrifying. They had streets closed. I cannot freaking wait until it is done. Traffic in midtown is bad anyway - but add construction and it's just miserable.
It was a short but sweet visit and I am grateful we got to spend some time with her.
It was so good to see Briana for SCAD TVFest. It was also parents weekend, but honestly, we have been to the school so many times and have been a part of many talks and activities, we only participated in TVFest on Friday.
Just like last year, Doug and I went down to Atlanta the day before our TVFest day (Thursday) to check into a hotel. It is just easier to get up in the morning and go to the school than to get up and drive to Atlanta that morning from where we live. Unlike last year, we didn't get to see Briana on Thursday. Doug had taken a red eye home that morning and he needed to work and get a little rest before heading to Atlanta.
Doug and I stayed at the Epicurean once again - and again, it was a great stay. We had requested a junior suite, but when we arrived, we were upgraded to a huge suite - for just the two of us! It was pretty cool though...
The table we had was so large and nice and the room so comfortable, we had room service both nights we stayed there. And to be honest, I was feeling SO badly heading to the hotel on Thursday evening that I actually thought twice about going (I am in the midst of a bad indigestion attack - and it comes and goes - something triggered me days ago even though I am on my diet). I have a lot of trauma when it comes to going on trips and being sick over and over again. This was just adding to my long list of trauma. But once again, I pushed myself and went.
I will blog about all the things I chose to eat while I was on this short adventure when I am done posting about TVFest.
I did sleep pretty well that night and felt better when I woke up - a true blessing. It was time to go to TVFest and see our girl...
It's always the best to get to hug on her...
This is the area that Doug and I had to check into for the day...
This is one of the areas where the students eat - it's called "The Hub"...
This is another area - this is called "Palette" - this is where we ate with Briana on Friday...
Bri getting her food...
After eating, it was time to head to our first screening/panel - "56 Days."
Took a picture of ourselves...
I think this is a great place to pause. The two talks we saw were awesome. It was very chaotic before seeing the second one though. SCAD did not have their stuff together at all and it caused me to have to get on people and advocate for myself. If I am pushed too hard, I will push back. For example, I had to yell at rude drunk women at the Ed Sheeran concert years ago. And nowadays, I take the risk of being called a "Karen" - which is unfortunate. Don't get me wrong, I know there are Karens out there. Believe me, I am not one of them. I am way too self-aware for that. I only get on people when push comes to shove.
So, my next post will feature who we got to see at TVFest!
Yes, I absolutely used another filter. It's been quite a month ya'll and no one wants to see what I truly look like right now. I'm telling you. I'm tired and hungry and hanging on.
I haven't eaten inside of a restaurant in two weeks. I have been on this diet for a month. I am SO proud of myself for sticking with it, but it's been rough at times.
Sadly as I type this post, I am feeling reflux and I don't know why. I haven't felt reflux in a long time, but today I woke up with it. And I didn't eat anything differently yesterday than I have all month. I have no idea what is going on. Frustrating.
Nothing super interesting has happened in my life since I last posted - mainly just weather-related stuff. Our area had the threat of a catastrophic (yes the weather people used that word) ice storm last weekend that didn't pan out and then this weekend we had the potential for snow - which ended up being just a sad, barely-there dusting. With all the over-hype lately by the local forecasters, one forecaster got her knickers in a bunch on social media when people started naturally getting a bit irritated with her. She whined and complained in a post that she had been away from her family, her kids, for a whole week. Of course, she then got a lot of sympathy and ego-stroking from people in her comment section. I do understand that is difficult to predict weather sometimes. But don't freaking over-hype to get ratings. And when you are WRONG, then just ADMIT it. I don't watch her (she just happened to pop up in my FB feed), and I don't plan on it from here either.
Sorry if I sound a bit salty right now, but I am tired of the absolute
chaos on the news and in the world lately. And I am sugar/caffeine-deprived, so try to cut me a little slack.
I will say, it has been COLD here lately...
We aren't used to these kinds of temperatures in GA!
Here are pictures of the "catastrophic" ice and snow in my neck of the woods the past two weekends...
I did see a very beautiful hawk land on one of my trees during the ice event...
And my cat loved these events more than anyone else...
And speaking of my kitty, January 24th was our "gotcha day" anniversary. Our fur baby has been a part of our family for 11 years...
Bri is still doing well at school. She sent me a selfie before a presentation she had to give (which she got a 100 on) and was looking very snazzy...
Doug is doing very well - he is BUSY with his new job. So freaking busy. But, he is happy. He was miserable in the job that he had for just a few months. He's back in his happy place.
As for me, this elimination diet has really consumed a lot of my life. It takes a long time to get through a grocery store after reading so many labels. I will pick up an item and I read through most of ingredients thinking - great, I can eat this. Then I finally get to "corn" or "milk" or "sugar" at the end and I have to put it down. Ugh. So frustrating. I am constantly food prepping. And it is EXPENSIVE to be healthy. It was expensive before, but things are getting more and more expensive every single day. I usually meet my friends for catch up meals but I can't really eat out, so my social life is suffering a bit. Doug keeps reminding me this is just for the short term, and I know that, but it is still difficult.
I did meet with my doctor last week, told her I was only giving one more full week to this intense diet and said I wanted to start bringing things back in. She was fine with that and seemed so happy that I got this far. I started thinking to myself "do a lot of people quit this?" Maybe they do. So the protocol is...I have to eat a lot of what I decide to bring back in for one day and then wait for 2 days to see how I am affected by it. This will be a long process. And I still need to stay clear of dairy (for now) and gluten (probably for good). So tomorrow, I am going to eat eggs again. I like eggs. I don't love eggs. But right now, I am craving freaking eggs. So tomorrow, I eat lots of eggs and hope that my body tolerates it ok. If it does, I keep them and try the next thing - which I have chosen to be beef. And so on and so on.
Doug and I are going to SCAD TV Fest next weekend to see Bri and we will be in a hotel for two nights. I worry about what safe foods I can find while I am there. It will be a challenge. At least I'll have eggs again, hopefully.
I have lost a few pounds while doing this - which is great. But it truly isn't why I am doing this. I am learning how to eat better. I want to feel better. I think I will be able to stick with it this time. I really do.
The only restaurant food I have eaten the last two weeks was "Moe's" and Doug brought it home for me. It was kind of sad...
No cheese. No sour cream. No tortilla. I had to make my own white rice to add to it. It was just meh.
And these are some of the meals I have made for myself...
And I have to say, everything that I posted has been quite yummy. It looks pretty too, right? But, I need to add some more things in to my diet pronto. I just do.
Gosh I wish I wasn't feeling reflux right now. It is making me feel a bit down. Hoping it goes away by tomorrow.
So, happy February everyone. Well, as happy of a February as we can have living in this jacked-up country. And wish me luck as I start bringing in possibly problematic (let's hope not) foods.
