I am struggling once again.
For some reason when I am frustrated and struggling, I feel the need to write. I am good with expressing my thoughts with written words. Words come to me easily. I know with a lot of people, words can fail them. Me - not so much.
I'm going to be vague in this post - so I apologize for that in advance. Hopefully, you will get the gist of my ranting without me giving super personalized or specific examples.
I am not a perfect person. I have made lots of mistakes in my life - and for the most part, I own up to them (like I said I am not a perfect person). But, there are way too many people who I am connected to in some way or just simply aware of who have zero self-awareness and/or lack the ability to take any sort of accountability for their actions.
I am so tired of deflection, redirection and/or people not being able to see their faults in certain situations. People make excuses for things when they shouldn't. And apologies mean very little when you don't try to make amends for what you have done or learn from your mistakes.
I observed a situation recently where someone reached out to someone else and apologized for their actions (nothing criminal or horrible - just some poor behavior). They explained in detail why those actions had occurred and promised to try to work on fixing those actions. Then, the person on the receiving end of that (who made mistakes themself) took absolutely NO accountability for their own actions, twisted the narrative, acted like the only injured party and then basically shot that apology down. It is what it is. But - the LACK of accountability of that so called "injured party" is astounding. And I don't believe that this person needed to react in this kind of way. Believe me, they are not a victim. Yet, they constantly complain about how they are treated by almost everyone around them. I personally think it is a cry for attention. And this is the kind of crap I am sick of. I feel like this is the world we live in now.
I also had a frustrating encounter the other day. I explained it on FB...
"I
am just over it. Just OVER it. Earlier today, I was trying to make a
u-turn to go into a drugstore at a green light - on a green arrow (there
is no other way to get into this store from the way I was coming unless
you u-turn). The traffic turning right to the left of me had not only
had the red light but a yield sign. One lady in a car blew through it
ignoring me trying to turn. A black SUV behind her saw me but just
followed her and he blew through it too. I started to holler in my car
at him like "what are you doing?" And he starts saying something too. As
he goes by, on the side of the car - "COUNTY POLICE." He was an f-ing
COP. Not even joking. I had the right of way - NOT HIM. Of course he
kept driving because what is he going to do? Turn around and yell at me
for being in the right? I swear - I feel like any form of authority
nowadays feels they have the right to do WHATEVER they freaking want. I
am still shaking and angry right now."
The cop was SO in the wrong and was acting like he wasn't. You're telling me he doesn't know the rules of the road? And if he doesn't, why is he a freaking cop? No accountability. I'm telling you.
Moving on...in our current political environment, it seems as if many eyes are starting to open. Even though so many of us screamed at the top of our lungs for YEARS trying so desperately to keep what is happening from happening. People just made excuse and excuse after excuse for why they voted for a horrible person. The dementia hasn't changed the orange one - it just magnifies how horrifying he already is. People chose to deeply inhale extreme right wing propaganda and misinformation instead. We live in a country where too many people think only about themselves
and/or think only about "certain kinds" of people they believe to be
worthy to be concerned about. Look at us now.
There are many people out there saying they will never forgive the people who did this to our country because they are so angry. I am torn about it. Yes, I am angry too. SO angry right now. But I do think if someone owns up to their mistakes and apologizes for their missteps and truly works on learning from those mistakes, I will absolutely give them a second chance. Unless an action is completely unforgivable like any kind of abuse, pathological lying, certain crimes, etc, I will try to forgive.
I have given apologies. I have had people apologize to me - and I greatly appreciated it. Apologizing is brave. It is the start of taking accountability. Learning from the mistake and changing the behavior, that is the finish to the accountability.
I just want people to own their actions. Look around and pay attention to how they are moving around in this world and treating others. Yes, life can be cruel and it can throw things at you that you can't control. I'm not talking about the stuff you can't control. I am talking about what you can control. There are many circumstances in life where you are in control in the driver's seat and you make a wrong turn, drive too fast or refuse to drive at all. Freaking own that, accept it and stop refusing to take responsibility.
From Google...
"Improving self-awareness involves a combination of introspection, mindfulness and seeking external feedback. Key strategies include journaling, meditating, asking trusted friends
for honest feedback, identifying personal triggers, and asking "what"
rather than "why" during reflection. Regularly identifying strengths,
weaknesses, and emotional responses helps increase."
"Taking accountability involves owning your actions, mistakes and impacts without blaming others or making excuses. It requires sincere apologies, correcting errors, and changing future
behavior. Key steps include recognizing your role, expressing remorse,
and actively repairing the damage."
Why are these two things SO hard for people? WHY?
I honestly feel I am overly self-aware and that is something I am working on. But when I am unfortunately leaning into my hyper self-awareness, I find it extra frustrating when I come across people who seem to lack it.
So I guess this is just a venting post. I have been coming across this way too much lately and it is just driving me crazy.
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