12 Weeks Behind Us

I sure wish I was on the beach right now.

It has been 12 weeks since the world turned upside down due to a worldwide pandemic. And the world has been getting even more upside down as the weeks have gone by - which seems completely impossible. But as you all know, it's true. I really hope Doug, Bri and I can take some sort of beachy-type vacation to escape a bit this summer. It's not on the books as of yet.

Last week, my FB feed kept showing all of my picture memories of Hawaii. I've had a tough time looking at them. They reminded me of a time when I was truly happy. I didn't think all that much about my health issues or anxiety or problems in life. It truly was a dream come true trip...

This post will be a bit of a doozy because I'm not in the best head space. I am really feeling the whole "glass half empty" thing right now. I suggest buckling up.

I always try to post some positive things going on in my life before I get into all the negative stuff, but I can't seem to do that for this particular post for some reason. I do have some uplifting things I want to post about, but I will leave those for my next post - which will be completely free of negativity.

 I tried to go into 2020 with a more positive attitude because the last few years have been on the suckier side for me (mostly in the health department). On January 1st, Doug, Bri and I went to the Chinese Lantern Festival together in Atlanta, and I hoped that if I did something interesting and fun on the first day of the new year, that maybe I could get into a happier mindset and hopefully have a better year. I was still having issues with my tonsils, but I had a long awaited doctor's appointment scheduled and I had my fingers crossed for the best.

As most of you know, my doctor's appointment went pretty badly, and I went to see another doctor for a second opinion (which went better). I had to get a CT scan on my neck (which ended up fine). I went on antibiotics for three weeks to see if that would help my irritated tonsils. I started getting blood blisters in my mouth due being on the medicine for so long, so I had to stop taking the pills a few days early. I also had a few other personal things going on that I don't plan to mention on this blog. So though I had a few brights spots the first couple of months of 2020, a lot of it had already been pretty craptastical.

Ok, now for my heads-up. I am going to do some venting. This might be a good time for some of you to stop reading. If you are not on the same page as me when it comes to certain things, what I say may irritate you. Just letting you know in advance - like I always do. U-turns are certainly allowed...

As I was still reeling with my throat (and anxiety) issues, trying to figure out what my next steps might be regarding my tonsils, a worldwide started to spread across the land. A pandemic that proceeded to divide everyone politically even more than they already were before. People started getting super opinionated and just downright mean. The world basically shut down and everyone was told to stay away from one another for an indefinite period of time. Some people took that to heart and others disregarded it. It was all super stressful (and still pretty much is)...

Then as we were all dealing with that, a black man is murdered by some policemen for no acceptable reason and it is all caught on video. Protesting began because there have been too many black people senselessly murdered over the years by police officers who have not been held accountable for their actions...

(If Nikolas Cr@z could be arrested without incident after brutally shooting and killing seventeen innocent people in cold blood and injuring seventeen more at a FL high school, then why did George Fl@yd have to die in handcuffs over passing a possible counterfeit $20 bill at a grocery store? It makes no freaking sense.)

Quickly speaking on the protests, agitators and extremists from both sides of aisle, as well as foreign entities, are instigating and encouraging the looting and destruction. And of course, some of the destruction is simply caused by bad apples who don’t fall on either side politically. They just want to demolish stuff, stir up trouble and hurt people - which is completely sick. But overall, I think most people out there protesting truly want to see change for the better.

As I said in my last post, something has to change.

I swear, I'm about ready to tap out of 2020 and it's only June...

I'm so tired of all the news outlets deciding what they deem as "most important" for the public to know. And I am even more tired of the political slant on both sides of the aisle. Please - just report the freaking facts. When Covid-19 really started to spread, that is what news stations were reporting on - intense 24/7 "for or against" social distancing coverage for weeks and weeks and weeks. Total overload.

Once the protesting started, news stations then decided that Covid wasn’t "important enough" to talk about anymore. Covid hypothetically "disappeared" at that point (except it didn’t). It’s been wall to wall coverage of protesting ever since then. And as I am watching these protests, I see a very small percentage of people wearing masks as they chant, yell, march and link arms in massive groups (though I know some people don’t wear masks for fear of getting shot). I see NO social distancing at all. Believe me, I get that these protests are important, but now I am hearing that some public health officials are saying the protests are more important than the pandemic. I'm sorry, but they are equally important and I have to beg to differ...

I guess that is the big test now, isn’t it? If Covid is as contagious and deadly as so many experts have said it is, after all the Memorial Day gatherings and all the days of protesting, we should see massive spikes in Covid cases soon. Right? And I guess 1000 people a day still dying in the US due to Covid is just the acceptable norm now. That's what it seems like anyway...

I've mentioned before that I do believe I am some sort of empath. I feel like I soak in more feeling and energy than a normal person should - and it's always been like that for me. My head and heart seriously feel like balloons right now.

I try going about my life, but I always have internal "background noise" following me around. I try to keep my mind on "normal" or "regular" things. I fold laundry, make dinner, order groceries, etc. But in the back of my mind, all those "regular" activities feel so minuscule. There are so many other big important issues to think about. So when I see people online complaining about super petty things, such as the new safety rules for our neighborhood swimming pools, I can't help think to myself, "Do you all know the world is seriously imploding right now? What the heck is wrong with you people? Are you all seriously that shallow?"

Now, I want to talk about the police for just a moment...

There are definitely good cops and not so good cops in this world, and I’ve had very limited encounters with both types.

In 2000, Doug and I had our house broken into in the middle of the day while we were at work (when I say life has thrown a lot of crap at us, I mean it). Our front door was kicked in and all our electronics were stolen including TVs and computers. The thieves stole sharp knives and food. They rifled through all our drawers. We felt so violated. The cops who helped us that day were very sincere and helpful, and the detective who worked on our case was kind too. (We never got our stuff back, but we found out a Vietnamese gang was behind a number of break-ins in our former neighborhood.)

Several years later, I got pulled over along with a couple of other cars in a speed trap as I was driving to meet my friend for lunch. A cop sauntered over to my car and told me how fast I was going (and I still don’t believe I was going as fast as he said I was), but I was still friendly to him and “obedient” during our exchange. I could sense his cocky attitude as soon as he started talking to me. I told him it was my very first ticket (which it was) and he smugly said to me “Hope it’s your last.” Did he talk to me that way because he felt powerful? Because I was a woman? Possibly. All I know is that he was wrong for the way he treated me. It was completely out of line.

I guess this is how I feel about all of this...

Lastly ~ I really try not to bash the president too much on my blog because I know some of you support him and nothing I say will change that. But, I have to strongly condemn what occurred last Monday evening.

I actually missed the press conference but happened to turn on the TV just as Tr@mp was walking from the White House through the park to the church. In that moment, I was mainly confused and trying to process what was happening. After it was over, it all started sinking in and then I heard the whole story...

How in the world is it ok to throw tear gas, shoot rubber bullets and push/shove peaceful protesters and clergy out of the way in order to clear a path for an unannounced photo op? Twenty-five minute before the curfew by the way.

You know what? It's not ok.

As T stood in front of that church, he had no words of comfort. No prayers or empathy. No words of unification or peace. No nothing. He just posed for the camera. Then he had his "all white" entourage join him in the pictures. Seriously - who do you think those photos were for? The scared, fed up, grieving protesters in the streets? Absolutely not. It was simply a political publicity stunt for his base. To me, the whole thing was just reprehensible. And what is really sad about all of it was that I can’t even say what he does is unbelievable anymore.

And prominent military leaders seem to feel the same way I do...

https://time.com/5849362/military-leaders-denounce-trump/

Well, Doug, Bri and I are very slowly and cautiously trying to merge back into "real life" again. We've actually gone to a couple of necessary appointments. I picked up Bri's yearbook last week. It still may take us some time before we eat in a restaurant again. Still no big groups for us currently. And we are waiting to hear what Bri's next school year is going to look like.

I can't say it isn't kind of tough for me to see people just living life large and taking bigger risks out there than Doug and I are willing to take right now. But it is what it is. To each their own. 

So that's it. Not a super uplifting post, huh? I just have to unload sometimes to lessen that balloon feeling I get in my head and heart.

I have to try to turn my attitude around somehow. Gosh it's really tough some days...

Actually, I think I am going to lessen my venting from this point forward. I've put a lot of myself out there (which has been actually pretty freeing) and I feel like I've had my say. You all definitely know my opinions by now. Surprisingly, having people know my thoughts and feelings (especially political - I'm a moderate/independent) when I've held them in for so long has helped me quite a bit. There is no reason for me to keep spouting off now like it's my job. So I'll still do my weekly updates, but I will try to focus on the good more than the bad for a while. I think I need to try for my mental health.

So, my next post will be only good stuff. I promise. Thanks for sticking with me.