Wow - I haven't been on my blog in two months. I guess haven't really blogged all that much since the summer. I don't know why I cannot seem to find the time to blog nowadays - I always find myself having something else more important to do. I don't want to give this blog up. I really don't. I like having this blog as a scrapbook for Briana (and for myself). I like being able to express myself in my own private space. In real life, often people get distracted or aren't fully listening to me when I am speaking or sometimes I feel interrupted. I know people don't mean to do this, but it's just life. Life is a distraction. On this blog, I can finish a complete thought and if someone takes the time to read what I have to say, then I'm happy. Life has been pretty busy, but lately, my heart hasn't been into coming here to express myself or vent. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I am not sure who is coming here to read anymore. Some things in my life are private and I can't really talk about those things here anyway. Maybe it's because I have a pile of chores to do and they have to come first. Maybe it's because I promised to not share as much of Briana's life in public now (and she is much more interesting than I am). I hope I can get my blogging mojo back in 2019. If not, then I may have to eventually call it quits.
2018 has been quite a year. Overall, this year for me has been better health wise than past years, but I continue to deal with some residual minor issues from both the sinus infection I had two years ago and the mouth virus I had a year ago. Both still affect me physically and emotionally. I battle anxiety on a daily basis now, which I can say honestly sucks. You will see a smile on my face in pictures, and it's not that I am not enjoying myself with my family and friends or that I am completely miserable all the time, but in the back of my mind, the anxiety is always there. It's like a nasty lurker that never completely goes away. I do think if my minor physical issues totally went away, that might (and I emphasize "might") lower some of my anxiety. Who knows though. I am the type of person to just find something else to stress about. It's how I am wired unfortunately.
2018 was a year of some change for us. Briana started 7th grade, completely quit playing soccer in May and was invited to join the Junior Beta Club at school. Volunteer hours at the local dog shelter replaced the void that not playing soccer left us. Honestly, quitting soccer was the best decision we could have made (for lots of reasons). It was unnerving to leave after all those years, but in the end, it was the right decision for Bri, Doug and myself. Bri still enjoys running club at school, though the schedule for running club hasn't been very consistent due to Georgia's wacky weather.
Doug's work had a lot of big changes and he made several trips to Latin America this year, which he really enjoyed. Work had him gone quite a bit in 2018, which was a bit difficult, but we have really enjoyed him being home around the holidays. He bought a brand new Tesla (his dream car) and he absolutely loves it.
We had the carpet completely replaced in our home at the end of September, and that was quite the project. It was seriously like packing up our entire house and moving. Most of my house is carpeted and my house is pretty big, so that was quite an undertaking. It took a lot of time and energy to pack everything up and then unpack it all when it was all over. But, the carpet is SO nice and it was worth all the work that was put into it. Replacing the carpet pushed Doug, Bri and I to purge so many things from our house. I donated so much stuff. Bri's playroom is now an official "tween" room with a new computer desk, art desk and hanging "pumpkin" chair.
Christmas was a bit different this year because I had the official Santa talk with Bri a few months ago. Honestly, I think she has kind of "known" for a while, but she needed confirmation from me and Doug to fully accept things. The conversation went well - no melting down thank goodness. I love Christmas magic as much as the next person, but there was a bit of relief not having to keep up appearances this year.
Speaking of Briana, she is still my very smart, ridiculously artistic, book-devouring, introverted, "at-times moody" tween. Bri loves spending time alone - which is great, but sometimes I have to really urge her to get together with other people. And sometimes it is hard for me to push her because I am quite introverted myself. I love my alone time so I can totally relate to how she feels. Bri could sit in her tween room for a week straight with her computers, books and sketch pads/markers and never complain. She has a small circle of friends (girls and guys/inside and outside of school), and if you are in that circle, you are special. Bri is perfectly content not having a ton of people to keep up with. If a relationship is way too much work, she'll walk away from it. Are there times when I wish she wanted to be more social? Sure I do. Do I get a little jealous (Bri calls it "jelly") when I see pictures on FB of huge groups of kids going to homecoming or prom together and wonder if my kid will ever want to do that one day? Yep. On the other hand, being more social (or popular) can get you into trouble. So, I'm not going to complain. Maybe being more social for Bri will come with time - and maybe not. She's still only in middle school. And she may never be that kid. It's her decision to make.
D, B and I went on a few trips in 2018. Our winter break trip to Blue Ridge in February was a disaster. We all got very sick at the cabin we were staying in and just wished we could go home. We went to Downtown Atlanta for a night during spring break (seeing the Coke museum and Atlanta Botanical Gardens) and that was nice. We went down to Ft. Lauderdale in May for a couple of days to attend my cousin's son's bar mitzah and we were able to see lots of family. And we had a wonderful week long summer break trip to Jekyll Island over 4th of July. And instead of a fall break trip, we carpeted our house (as you know)
My family is doing pretty well. My dad turned 70 this year - which is a big milestone. My parents will celebrate 49 years of marriage in January. Sadly, my Uncle Sheldon passed away in August. I am happy that I was able to see him at the bar mitzvah in May. My nephews are growing like weeds - and I'm so happy that Bri and the boys have such a close relationship.
D, B and I attended two awesome concerts in 2018 - Jason Mraz and Ed Sheeran (and we have two awesome concerts that we are going to see next year). Bri and I saw "School of Rock" at the Fox with some friends in October - which starred one of Bri's former Chinese dance classmates. I got to see the "IMomSoHard" ladies in October as well with my sister and one of my best friends. Doug, Bri and I saw the "Infinity Mirrors" exhibit at the High Museum right before Christmas with my brother-in-law (Doug's brother) and sister-in-law when they came to visit (we hadn't seen them in 3 years - we were so happy they came to visit). And Briana made an ornament in art class at school that was chosen (along with 40 others) to hang on one of the Christmas trees at the Governor's Mansion. So, we visited the Governor's Mansion in December which was really neat!
After all this writing, I still plan on recapping some of the things we did during autumn and the holidays. So bare with me if you end up reading about Christmas in mid-February. Heh.
I am not a person that usually likes to make new year's resolutions (too much pressure), but I think I am going to make a few for next year. First, I need to get a grip on my health and anxiety in 2019. Anxiety and emotional eating do not mix well, but I am very good at trying to mix them. On a different note and not to toot my own horn, I do think I am a really, really good mom (though I do make many mistakes in the mom department). My kid is happy, healthy and knows she can talk to me about anything. My mama bear mode will come out if someone doesn't do right by her and she knows it. But, there is a part of me that feels like I am losing a bit of myself because I do tend to focus on Bri and her happiness over my own. And though I do believe your kids come first, I feel that Bri is old enough now for me to start thinking about myself more. So secondly, I will try to focus more on me in 2019. I want to find something I'm passionate about and pursue it. What is that? I am not sure yet. But, that is my mission - to figure that out. Third, I want to focus more on Doug's and my relationship. We are good - but parenthood, work and life can keep a couple from connecting as well as they should. Marriage is always a work in progress. And lastly, there are some projects in and around the house that need to be done - interior painting, finishing our basement, buying some new furniture. We've gotten some big projects done in the last couple of years, but we still have some work to do.
I mentioned on FB a couple of weeks ago that I was feeling very stressed. A friend pointed out that a woman in her middle 40's to middle 50's is the most stressful time of life. Women are dealing with their own hormones, their kids hormones and aging parents all at the same time. And it is SO true. So I hope that I can try to accomplish all the things I said I would try to do in 2019. Time will tell if a wrench is thrown in my plans. I will try to be positive. I will try to be positive. (Maybe if I keep saying it, I will be positive.)
So happy new year everyone. Stay safe. I'll be back in 2019.
