In a few weeks, my blog will be 4 years old. I started it on July 30, 2006. July 30 is also the date I met my sweet girl for the first time. I started my blog exactly one year before I held Briana in my arms. I’m at the very same web address. My name is Lisa, but most of you know me as “Briana’s Mom” – the greatest title ever. Those of you that have followed me from the very beginning will remember that I didn’t even want to start a blog at first. I thought “Who the heck would want to read about my mundane life on daily basis?” Well, except for my family and a few friends. But my friend Kathy (fellow waiting mom at the time) told me I should start one, even if she was the only one reading it. And at first, she
was pretty much the only one reading it. :D
My blog obviously started out as a “waiting blog.” “
Waiting For Briana” I called it. As I wrote little tidbits about my life and started revealing the reasons I started a blog, I also started to slowly branch out into the unknown blog world. I started looking at other bloggers’ blog rolls and hitting new blogs. Leaving a comment here and there, on a blog or two. I stumbled into a huge China adoption community that was also dreaming and waiting for their children to come home with them from across the ocean. I found a kinship with strangers (that eventually became blog friends) that I desperately needed at the time. As the wait times slowly increased, our bonds became tighter as we leaned on each other support. I have met some of these amazing people in person and others I have still yet to meet face to face.
My precious Briana finally entered my life on July 30, 2007. My blog turned into “
Life With Briana.” I wrote about the challenges I faced and the joys I experienced as a first time mom trying to parent an adopted child of a different race. Instant one year old. I wanted to be real. It wasn’t all roses and butterflies, so I wrote about how hard it was at times. It was really tough at first when I got very sick. I look back now and though my girl had a beaming smile from the very beginning, it took a long time for her to really attach. The first six months she reached out to me in need, but I didn’t get voluntary hugs, kisses and snuggles. Love can definitely take time. When I eventually started getting those kisses and hugs, they were like gold to me and they still are. Now my sweet girl is like glue. She is super huggy, kissy and affectionate. And still when she hugs me today, I literally melt in her arms. I also had to learn to accept what a “mini celebrity” I had become. Not only in the blog world but also in real life at times. I had a woman stop me in the street and tell me she was a blog follower of mine. The stares, the glances and the double takes of a Caucasian woman walking into a store with an adorable Chinese baby was something that I had to get used to. It happens much less today, but it still happens.
As my life was drastically changing, so were the lives a lot of my other friends. Many of my local friends came home with their children around the same time I brought Briana home. And their blogs changed too. They went from having “waiting for” blogs to “life with” blogs. As I was living my life as a new parent, many of my “waiting” friends were still waiting. And waiting. And waiting. And sadly, there are a few that are still patiently (or impatiently) waiting. As the wait stretched on for years, the blogs of my “waiting” friends started to change. The excitement and anticipation that occurred during my wait drastically dwindled in the China adoption community. Some of my waiting friends slowed down in their blogging or just stopped their blogging altogether because it was too difficult to continue. Blogs remained “waiting” type blogs, but the tone was different. There was sadness, a frustration and an anger that overtook the China adoption community – and it still lingers somewhat today. People going to China now from the non-special needs list have waited 4 years for a referral. I only waited 19 months. At the time, 19 months seemed like forever to me. Nineteen months is nothing compared to waiting 3, 4 or 5 years for a child.
Today, most of the people I started following 4 years ago now have their children. Some finally made the journey to China or decided to turn to another country to adopt. Some went special needs. Some adopted domestically instead. A few had biological children. And as I said before, a handful (of the bloggers I have followed all these years) are still waiting. Over four years later.
Four years later, the blog world for me is a completely different place. There are a number of my blog friends that stopped blogging as soon as they came home with their kids and I don’t know what ever happened to them – which does sadden me because I did invest time in reading about their lives (sometimes for years) and would have loved to have an update now and again to find out if everything was going well for them. A few felt that F@cebook was a better vehicle for them to keep up with, so that is how I keep up with them now. Most of the blogs I follow are now “life with” blogs rather than “waiting for” blogs. If someone gets a referral now, it is because they have waited years for a referral or because they are going down the special needs or older child track. Many have gone private – either by using passwords or by changing their blog addresses and only giving that address to their closest friends and blog buddies. Some don’t use names and others don’t post pictures to protect the identities of their children. I have never used my last name on my blog or last names of my friends or sited a specific city that I live in. For me right now, that is enough protection. And as Briana gets older and when she starts elementary school, I might change my mind about how much protection I want. The amount of protection varies from parent to parent.
Due to my busy schedule with Briana, I don’t have lots of time to frequent new blogs. I pretty much stick with the blogs I have stuck with for many years. I unfortunately don’t have enough to time to start over with new people. There are a few blogs that I actively follow now that I didn’t find in the beginning. I started following these blogs because I think they are very special, entertaining and enjoyable. I feel I have something in common with them, whether it is photography, adoption or infertility. I wish I could meet more friends online, but as most of you know, blogging can be very time consuming!
As Briana gets older, I am starting to think more about her life as an adoptee. As an international adoptee. To be honest, when I first came home with Bri, it was all about survival. Meeting Briana needs – making sure she was nurtured and loved. Working on attachment. The best way for me to live my life is working in stages if I can. I know that is not always possible, but it works for me when it can be done. Survival mode is a thing of the past now. I know now that Briana is a secure, happy, amazing and full of life little girl. The older she gets, the more I have to think about a bigger picture. She has not made huge realizations yet about her life. But to prepare for those realizations, I started branching into the bloggy @dult @doptee world.
I have written about this subject already, so I won’t delve into this too much again. Some of these blogs were a real eye opener for me. Some were very insightful. Some not so much. If someone spouts off that I’m an evil person because I adopted a child, then I won’t read the blog. If someone makes a nasty comment about infertile people, then I won’t read the blog. You get the picture. Messages get out much better if you use a little sugar rather than vinegar. So, I only frequent blogs that are respectful. I may not agree with things that are said, but as long as you’re respectful, then I will listen and hopefully learn something.
What I have learned is that there is a whole spectrum of @dult @doptees out there. Some seem quite happy in their lives (even if they have mixed feelings about being adopted). Some not so much. To me, the AA's that seem the most well adjusted are the ones that have adoptive parents willing to acknowledge that there are birth/first parents out there and that adopted children can have good feelings/love for both their adoptive parents and birth parents at the same time (whether or not the first parents are able to be in contact). I think you really have to take the cues from your kids. If your child asks questions about his/her adoption or life before adoption, just be as honest as you can (and stay age appropriate). Even if all you can say is an “I don’t know.” The biggest thing I have learned is to allow adopted kids to ask those hard questions. Allow them feel how they feel (happy, sad or even confused), never tell them they should be grateful to be adopted and let them process what happened to them in their own way.
As you can see, the blogs I frequent now are completely different than they used to be - even though I am following many of the same families. And my blog now is completely different from the blog I started 4 years ago. I chronicle the day to day activities that I share with Briana. I also share my fears and concerns. I ask for advice. And of course, I brag a bit (but all parents do that right? *grin*) Sometimes I laugh at myself about how naïve I was before I became a parent and when I first became a parent. I often wish I knew then what I know now.
My numbers have dwindled a bit on my blog. I definitely had my biggest following around referral time and when I first came home. People slowly fell away with their own busy lives. I keep my blog up and running because I do see that people are still checking in. People don’t comment as much. It is really becoming a scrapbook of Briana’s life that I plan to make into a book for her. I don’t feel like I am as exciting as I used to be. I notice that numbers go up when get a little controversial, but I don’t like being controversial. I wonder sometimes if people are a little bored. I think every single thing my daughter does is amazing, but I’m sure not everyone else does. I mean how many times can I talk about soccer, right? Snort. But I think she is a super star and I like to shout it from the rooftops. I think she is amazing and perfect in every way and I want you all to think that too.
I guess I am trying to figure out what to do with this blog as I move on from here. Keep it as it is? Try to make it a little more interesting? Be more controversial (um yeah, not gonna happen)? Go private one day?
I’m still wrestling with all this. The one thing I can say is that I am proud of my blog. I can go back and see my entire life with Briana. I think part of the reason I’ve chronicled so much of Briana’s life with me is because I am overcompensating for everything Briana doesn’t know about her birth family history and her first year of life. At least she can’t say she didn’t know what happened in her life at age 1, 2, 3 and now going on 4. And I’ve always been a scrapbooking nut anyway. I have scrapbooks going back to the age of 17. They aren’t super fancy, but the pictures, ticket stubs, cards and information are all there.
This is my personal evolution as a blogger. And the evolution of my blog. Thank you for investing in my life with my husband and daughter. And thank you to those in blogland that got me through the tough times, cheered me on during the happy times, opened my eyes to things I didn’t know and now continue to read and care about my "
Life With Briana."
