60
60 weeks since the pandemic hit GA full force.
On a positive note to start off this post…I did have a lovely, quiet Mother’s Day weekend. I am so grateful to still have my mom in my life. I have a terrific kid. I have a wonderful husband. There is a vaccine on the horizon for Briana’s age group. Bri is almost done with 9th grade. My physical therapy is going pretty well. I am grateful for a lot of things. Life is ever so slowly starting to feel slightly more normal. (I plan to write a Mom’s day/other life stuff recap post later this week.)
So why do I feel so crappy still? I’m not in a great headspace. Please don’t tell me that I need more prayer in my life. I keep hoping to feel better (and I have “tools” that I am using to try to feel better), but I can’t seem to get there.
There is just a lot of "stuff" that keeps me in a consistent anxiety/depression mode and I cannot seem to shake it. It has been a really long time since I have woken up in the morning and felt completely at ease or free from worry. I’m always wondering what physical ailment might end up bothering me, who or what is going to upset/tick me off on any particular day or what "shoe is going to drop" next. It's tough.
On Saturday, a FB friend of mine posted that a FB friend of hers - a single mother with a teen daughter - sadly caught covid before she could get fully vaccinated. She is now intubated in the ICU and not doing well. Also on Saturday, I read from another FB friend that a relative of theirs died of covid. And yet, so many people still refuse to get vaccinated - which means this country will most likely never be able reach herd immunity. Yes, numbers are decreasing, but this virus could very likely stay around for good now. I’m tired of explaining that even if you are relatively healthy, this debilitating virus does not care. You can be healthy and still get very, very sick. This virus does not play. The singer P!nk rewrote her will when she got extremely sick from the virus, and she is the picture of health.
To add to my already high level of anxiety, my house cleaner broke my trust last Monday. She worked for me through a maid service and had been cleaning my house every other week for 10+ years. The owner of the company contacted me Tuesday morning to inform me she found my prescription steroids (with my name on them) in a dirty towel bag that my house cleaner had turned in the night before. I hadn’t even realized yet that they were missing. This type of steroid comes in a box with a sealed pack of meds inside. I was prescribed it for my ear issue about two months ago and placed it in my bathroom drawer for safe keeping. I actually had a difficult time getting them from my pharmacy after they were prescribed to me because steroids are in such high demand right now. I believe my house cleaner swiped the box from the drawer, threw it in her towel bag and then forgot to pocket it before turning the bag into the owner for cleaning.
I had a few issues with my house cleaner over the years, but nothing so severe that I felt I needed to fire her. Overall, she did good work - though I have to admit it hadn’t been quite as good the last couple of years. She always seemed to be dealing with bad luck/hard times and I always felt bad for her - which is maybe partly why I kept her around so long. After all the years of working for me, she had earned my trust. She did give me some static when the pandemic began about mask use and wearing gloves, and I had to nip that in the bud - which was definitely awkward. But, this was her biggest infraction by far. I told the owner that I didn’t feel comfortable having her clean for me anymore. The owner asked if I wanted to press charges and I said no.
When confronted by the owner by phone (and let go from the maid service), my house cleaner was adamant that I had “thrown the meds away” and she had found them in the trash. I absolutely did not throw them away - last I knew they were in my drawer. I do have a small wastebasket that sits back underneath my vanity where the drawer is located, but I cannot figure out any way the box could have unknowingly “fallen” in there. And hypothetically ~ why would someone even look in a box that was supposedly thrown in a wastebasket to see if there were drugs still inside? Despite that, she should never had taken a client’s prescription meds for her own personal use - no matter where she “says” she found them.
My (now former) house cleaner was so angry when confronted (and let go) via phone call, she cussed out the owner and hung up on her. It's something I never, ever pictured her doing. No remorse at all. I guess you don't really know people sometimes. Over 10 years - and that’s how it ended. My meds were delivered back to me and I have a new girl set to come in a couple weeks. I hope things go better from here.
Honestly, I feel like the world has gone insane.
Since the pandemic started, my (now former) vet office “catnapped” my cat, I had to fire my (now former) hairdresser of 20+ years due to severe lack of professionalism and now - my (now former) house cleaner stole from me and lied about it. I don’t even know what to say anymore.
I live with a constant underlying frustration with the world - and it often overwhelms me. Things keep happening around me that keep solidifying the need for me to make some big changes in my life. I just need to figure out what my next moves will be.
Well, I actually think I am going to end this post here. Enough griping for today. I'll be back in a couple of days with a more uplifting post. Stay tuned.
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