This Is What I Was Meant To Do With My Life

Mother's Day always makes me do a bunch of reflecting on my life decisions. Every year on Mother's Day, I know one thing for sure - I was meant to be a mom.

It is my passion. It is my greatest joy. And I am not too shabby at it.

I'm not tooting my own horn or saying that I am the best mom in the whole world. Believe me, I have "those" days for sure. Days I get tired, angry, frustrated, yell too much. Days I just don't "feel" like doing my mom duties. Days I could pull my hair out helping Bri with homework. Days that I swear I cannot answer one more question from my inquisitive 7 year old.

But - I love being a mom. I really love it. Bri is such a great kid. Raising a child is the best thing I've ever done in my life and continue to do with my life. I feel completely fulfilled.

Growing up, I always knew I wanted to be a wife and mom. I was lucky because I met my soul mate in high school. Doug was "it" for me. He's my "person." We just fit into place. That part of my life came quite easy for me.

The growing of our family became the hard part.

Funny thing, Doug and I didn't want kids right away. We liked it being just the two of us with our kitty. It took four years for us to want to even start trying. But when the mommy bug hit me, it hit like a bolt of lightning.

But then I couldn't get pregnant. We tried every fertility method known to man (and I suffered a miscarriage). I wanted a baby so badly. I was consumed by it. I felt it in my gut. I just knew - I was supposed to be a mom. During the fertility drama, my heart (and Doug's) started turning more and more toward adoption. Briana was the result of that. Best. Decision. Ever.

I was a really good student all throughout school and I went to college to get a degree. I did all the right things in college. Got really good grades. Graduated magna cum laude with a bachelors of science degree in psychology. But once I graduated, I realized that I was really burned out with school. I knew I needed to get a masters to really do anything substantial in the psychology field, but at the time, I just wanted to get married and get a job. I was just over being in school. I wanted to enjoy a quiet life with my hubby. I didn't care about establishing a "career" at that time. I got a job in staffing/HR (which ended up being the worst. job. ever) and hoped I was on the right path to somewhere. I wasn't on the right path. I quit after a year and a half (insert happy dance) and somehow landed an administrative job in real estate. I was willing to do anything to get out of the job I was in. That is how I ended up in real estate (which I really enjoyed). It was kind of a happy accident. I did that for so long (nine years) - I guess that was becoming my career.

But with all the schooling I have done and the jobs I have held, being a mom is still hands down the most fulfilling thing I have ever done in my life. I just enjoy it so much. I always did my very best in my jobs, but I never felt the same satisfaction that I feel now being a mom.

I totally respect working moms. I totally respect stay at home moms. I totally respect people that decide not to become parents at all. Every person has a different way that he/she wants/needs to fulfill his/her life. For me, raising Briana is what completelly fulfills me.

I do need to look to the future though. I know Bri will always "need me" in some form or another, but she will become more and more independent as time goes on. So in time, I want to financially contribute to our family again.

I definitely do worry about being out of the work force for so long. I do worry it will bite me in the tush when I need/want to return one day. I do feel sometimes I worked really hard for a degree that I am not using (outside the home at least - heh). I sacrificed furthering myself in a career to be a stay at home mom, but it was a sacrifice I was totally willing to make and don't regret it. I love every experience that I have been able be a part of when it comes to Bri. I feel blessed that we are financially secure enough right now for me to be able to do so.

I ponder about how to get myself slowly back into the work force. The job that I left in order to stay home with Briana no longer exists due to downsizing. I'm not sure the real estate industry will welcome me back - so much has changed since I left. I'm not even sure that is the industry I want to work in now. When I do look for an outside job, it will have to be on my terms. I really need it to be part time; even better if I can work from home. I really want a job that I enjoy (I spent too long of a time in a job - my first job out of college - that sucked the life out of me. Life is too short to be that unhappy). I also want to be around to help Bri with her homework and be able to attend school functions when necessary. I hope the perfect opportunity will be out there somewhere when I start looking for it. I do know that I don't want to do any type of sales. I really, really dislike trying to sell things to people. (If I had some sort of amazing talent where I could make something people just had to have, I'd consider it then. But honestly, I don't have that kind of talent.) No job I accept will ever be as fulfilling to me as being Bri's mom though. I'll have to settle for a close second. :)

For now, summer vacation is almost upon us. That is what I am focusing on now. I plan on giving Briana "Super Summer 2014"! She and I always have awesome summers together. I'm looking forward to it.

I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't been able to become a mom. I just know in every fiber of my being that this is what I was meant to do with my life. What comes next, who knows?

(For those still struggling to become moms, don't give up. There are so many ways to become a mom even if it isn't the "traditional" way. My way to motherhood wasn't at all traditional, but it is the best thing that has ever happened to me. My daughter is my heart and soul. )